This is Eric

Eric likes you.

He was a friend of mine

I heard the news today. Oh Boy. An old friend of mine passed away.

A friend I haven't seen for a while.

A friend that helped me through a tough time.

It was 1984 and I was having a tough time adjusting to new surroundings and a new school. My Mom said that I'd fit in in no time. How wrong she was.
I quickly developed a crush on a girl called Ali which landed me in hot water with local lout Johnny. I tried to come to her aid on the beach one night but Johnny and his gaggle of buggers kicked me a new ass using trips and kicks. I was a laughing stock; A new kid in a new town with a black eye and a new enemy.
I had many confrontations with Johnny whilst trying to woo the affections of the alluring Ali. I thought my new life was over until I bumped into a strange old man who liked little trees and old cars. His name was Mr Miyagi and he, through the clever ruse of house hold chores, taught me how to defend myself. This gave me the confidence to go for it with Ali and enter a martial arts tournament where I would finally get some payback on Johnny.

To cut a long and dramatic family-orientated story short, I won the tournament and the respect of my peers using an admittedly weak looking crane kick to the pointy nose of my teenage nemesis. I walked out of the arena with my head (And trophy) held high and the promise of some 'clothes on/clothes off' with Ali. It was the night that I became a big man and it was all thanks to the soulful wisdom of my now-departed friend.
I'll never forget you, Mr Miyagi. Despite everything, we will always have 'Sand the floor, paint the fence, wash my face' and all those other things. I'm going to miss you.

Rest in peace, my old friend.

Green for GO, Red for STOP (FREAKEND FROLICALS)

Crazy. Crazy. Two nights on the floor of different houses.

The house party was fun but, due to a 'pacing' problem, I crashed out earlier than I'd like.

I woke on the sofa with a sore head and a dry throat. I spent the rest of the day recovering and listening to some of the records Stephanie kindly sent to me.

We then high-hoofed it to the Alkaline Trio gig, making a stop at Costers Rock Bar before meeting D.J and Co. Nick and I shot the breeze and nodded to classic metal (Maiden!) I chatted to the pink-haired bar girl about salt. I also wore odd shoes (See above, hers and sirs)
I'm not a huge fan of Alkaline Trio but I thought I'd check them out because David J is a huge fan and, well, he asked me and I never say no to anything anymore. They're pretty good but I enjoyed the support act more.

Have you ever heard of Mike Park? He's excellent. Folk music with slight shows. He's worth catching if he's in and around your area. He was so good I felt the need to email him and tell him so (He replied, bless him.)

Nick, D.J and I then stayed at the venue for Subculture, the weekly rock night. The music was cool and the booze is always cheap (Red Charge and Vodka! Yes!) Put booze and tunes together and you have the recipe for an amusing evening (I don't need to tell you that) Nick and I were the only ones dancing but people joined our shimmying. It was either our strange limb movement or Nick's 'Truffle Shuffle' tee-shirt that caused various characters to come over and join us.

After much drinking, dancing and saying 'No, you didn't' to various people. We both did very painful dancefloor slides. It hurts to kneel.

We jumped onto the night bus where I fell asleep (And snored by all accounts) I was so tired I crashed on my brothers bedroom floor. I would have walked home but I didn't have much energy left.

I'm looking forward to a night in my own bed (If I can find it under my clothes)

There was something else but I can't remember. Forgive me.

~~~C~~~

Living by the FREAKEND

It's almost here, guys and girls, another frequent of high-jinks and fun filled frolicals!

Heres the rundown:


Friday: House party at David J's.

Saturday: Alkaline Trio followed by Subculture (Indie Night Spot) at Birmingham academy.

Sunday: Rest? Who knows? Knowing my forgetful book-anything-going nature I'm probably going to the circus or something.

Monday: Rob Newman and Mark Thomas @ The Glee Club.


Thanks to Stephanie for the box of treats she posted to me. Cool CD's, a book and a DVD to entertain me. I'm absolutely hooked on the jazz record. It's really upbeat and catchy. The girl has taste for sure.

Also, I won ANOTHER MTV2 competition! That's three in three months (And two in less than two weeks) I've won guest list tickets to Alkaline Trio in Bristol tonight (Can't go) I'm starting to think that I'm the only person that visits the website! I'd like to win something I can keep like some DVD's, records, clothes...or Alex Zane.

This is kind of a self indulgent post (When is it NOT?) but I thought I'd dash down a few random thoughts before the craziness kicks in and I forget who I am thanks to too much 'Chuckle Juice' or 'Bum Water' (If I can remember how to make it)

I hope you all have a great weekend whatever you are up to.

Pictures to follow.

Chris

NOTE TO SELF (AND TO YOU) #1

Net speak does not work in real life. Today I said: "WTF?!" to much confusion.

Bypass Monster Island and it's all plain sailing...

Hey, peeps (Can I, A) Pull of the term 'peeps' and B) Refer to you as such?)

How are you all? You're halfway through the working week! The weekend is creeping closer and soon you will be free again! Free to enjoy freakend frolicals!

Optimism. That's the key.

I've been reminded by D.J that I have a gig to go to on Saturday; Alkaline Trio at The Carling Academy. Subculture to follow. Falling over to finish.

And there I was thinking that I wasnt going to be flinging limbs every which way this freakend!

This, of course, comes after D.J's birthday shindig on Friday. I hope this party is slightly less life threatening than last year. Last time I drank so much that I knocked myself out and woke up in a hospital bed. I still have the scars to prove it (and pictures too)

I've got to be good/better with my hard earned cash this month because it's almost the time of year when everyone files for bankruptcy. Christmas is the season of greed and people want their gifts!

Want one. Want two. Want. Want. Want.

What do I want this year? The same thing as every year: A shark!

Or a CD, whichever is easier.

I forgot my whole point in a haze of hot coffee and toddys! My throat is so sore that I could wring my neck....but that would kill me.

I'll leave you with a couple of things:


-The new Strokes song 'Juice Box' is, to steal a phrase from Family Guy, freakin' sweet. The video is very cool. It features David Cross. Magic.

-I brought the Giant Drag album from Amazon Marketplace for £3! Bargain! Should make up for the one that NEVER ARRIVED from the place I ordered last time. Buggers.

-On Saturday, I'm going to wear one green trainer and one red. They're both the same design so it won't look too strange. Just a little odd.

-My Mom gave me a cool digital camcorder/camera. Now I can film people, make short and silly films or start a career in cheap, hardcore porn.

-I refuse to get on the 'I'm a Celebrity....' train. Z-listers feeling snakes and eating bugs? This is why I only watch MTV2 and Extreme TV (People skating and saying 'RAD!' a lot. Sometimes they fall over)

Hope you are all well.


Frank

(Happy Chloe? That nods for you.)

Specs Appeal?

Do You Wanna? Well, Do Ya? Huh? Huh?

Nick, The Steve, Mark and I went to see Franz Ferdinand/Editors/The Rakes last night with Mans, Laurie and a couple of others.

Good stuff.
Wiggles and giggles.

Editors were my personal favourites with their Joy Division-type noise joy. The Rakes were happy and scrappy. The lead singer danced like he was on strings (And thus, made my Blast Off dancing seem relatively normal)

In other news, for those that you who give one, if not two, hoots about the 'Death Rides The Nine' Light House screening then please note that the screening is now FEBUARY 16th instead of January 19th. The reason for the date change is to accommadate more people, more films and a few special guesticals.

It's all very sketchy at the moment but there will be information on their website soonish if you require further information. I've been told that it will feature a profile of myself which I'm trying to make interesting. Jazz up my bio like Dylan in the sixties, you know?


"Christopher David Bate was born into a family of circus performers"


"....It was 14/12/1979, 10am when the nurse proclaimed "Congratulations! It's a, uh, boy?"
"After serving time for killing a man in a knife fight, Christopher became the much-feared sheriff of Badville where he vowed to bring law to a lawless land and ruffle the feathers of as many birds as he could. He died trying to eat a coal bucket"


"After being bitten by a radioactive biro, Christopher realised that he could string mostly coherant words together to make something called a script."


Do you have any ideas, boys and girls?


(Still suffering from a very nasty sore throat that's making me sound like Tom Waits. Hope you are better.)

BAM BAM BULLET POINTS

I'm so tired from various frolicals that I'm just going to be as brief as I possibly can:

- Sigur Ros was great. Never been to a gig like that before but it was interesting.

- Nick brought me some Woody Allen-type glasses. Now I can encompass geeky cool.

- We could have done without the loudmouth oiks trying to start trouble on the way back to Tom's apartment last night. I hate chest-beating bravado. Why do people feel the need to act like cavemen?
These twats in caps didn't rattle us or scare us but I do hope they turned their attention to less patient men who think with their foreheads and fists.

- I totally caved and purchased 'Smackdown Vs Raw 2006'

- Eddie Guerrero R.I.P

- DRTN Final polished cut December 5.

- I have a very sore throat.

Come pick me up, take me out etc etc (Freakend posticle)

Why does it have to be Monday? I was just getting started!
Absolutely brilliant weekend, stupidly good. The kind of weekend you could bottle up and sell for high prices. The kind of weekend where everything and everyone is completely perfect. I must warn you, guys and gals, I'm going to ramble on and on about this one because it deserves to be rambled about.
The highlight was Stephanie coming down to our neck of the woods. Last time she came down we had a stellar weekend with the 'Buns and Guns' day waaaay back in May so there was a teeny little bit of pressure to make this weekend just as good.
We started slow because it's a long way from Brighton to Q.B and S needed to chill. We spent a couple of hours hanging out to Ryan Adams and Okkervil River videos whilst putting the world to rights.
There was wine too.
Nice wine. (Wine Tom brought me a couple of weeks ago to toast the DRTN rough cut)
People began to gather and we soon found ourselves doing the tour of the various bars in wonderful Wolverhampton. We hit The Moon Under Water for a meal then The Royal London for drinks and video jukebox magic. We then went to the Little Civic for tunes and cheap, cheap vodka mixes.
We then piled into Blast Off and thus began an utterly fantastic night of good music and great people. Easily the best Blast Off in ages. Our circle of friends (and friends of friends) just kept increasing and no one had any drama and no one crashed out before time. Imran kept things going with unusally upbeat stuff (That's why B.O is always better when he's in charge of it) We couldn't stop if we wanted to.

I bumped into some old friends, had a strange conversation with a close friend of my ex (Who asked me where my ex was, which baffled me just a tad. I tried to put him straight but he was too drunk and, fuck, that shit's not even worth setting straight)
Thanks to the usual suspects, the special guests (Spicer and Blair) and the strangers that tagged along for the shimmy.

Sunday involved going for a meal with my family. This was incredible as it rarely happens...No, wait...this has NEVER happened before. Ever. S was a good luck charm it seems.
Nick, Steve, Steph and I then went bowling where Steve daintily bowled himself to victory and I freak bowled as best I could to try and catch up(Apparently, according to H, I bowl like a mutant) Steph did very well for her first time. We then went to see Elizabethtown, which was dissapointing considering it's maker, before crashing out at home.

Smiles all round. Sigur Ros tonight!

Yee, and indeed, harr! Let the couch tour roll on!

Pictures to follow.

West Midlanders! Prepare Thyself!

Death Rides The Nine will be playing The Light House, Thursday 19th Jan, 7pm.

And, straight from the horses mouth (And by horse I mean the screening organiser):


"We would like you to do a Q and A, especially as you sound like you have lots of interesting experiences and people will be very keen to know how you got your script commissioned."

And:

"We would like pictures to accompany our publicity either of yourself, or if you have stills of the film, even better. We will also need a bit of blurb about yourself, ie what you have done and what you are working on now, etc, something to spice the up the publicity."

Screening AND Q & A. Extra joy!

Geezer Sneezer*

Coming soon to MTV:

The 'Pimp My...' series gives birth to a whole litter of spin-offs:
'Pimp My Kite'--Some rapper that used to be all about shooting, shagging and 'hatin' "mo'fuckin' po-lice" presents a safe, shallow and altogether stupid show featuring kids having their tattered kites 'blinged up' beyond belief. See! Kites with diamonds! Witness! Kites with plasma screen T.V's attached to them!

From the makers of 'Chimp My Ride', 'Pimp My Wife' and 'Shrimp My Tide'

*Ahem*

No deep personal la-la from me today because I'm sniffling and snuffling from yet another cold and it it's due to this that I have stayed in most nights.

I don't want to spread it around. I want to bring joy, not germs.

You can't get flu through Blogger.

Yet.


*At-choo!*


(* Couldn't resist the pun)

P.S If anyone knows how I can 'Pimp My Blog' (i.e jazz it up with a better header or spruce it up a little) then could you please let me know. Thank ye :)

Please Sir

Peter,

My friend Matthew Mansell contacted you the other day regarding a possible screening of the short film which I wrote called 'Death Rides The Nine'. It was written whilst I was a student at Halesowen College for a project that didn't materialise.
I finished it in 2001 and posted it on simplyscripts.com later that year. It proved to be a popular draw in the 'Unproduced Scripts' section of the site. It was due to this that it was approached by a number of companies both in this country and in the U.S.
I spent a lot of 2001 and 2002 meeting up with different producers but, unfortunatly, things didn't pan out (But it did give me a few interesting stories to tell)

Mallory Multimedia Entertainment, a Utah based production company emailed me and asked if they could make it. They had been producing documentaries and wanted to shift into fiction.
'Death Rides the Nine' went into pre-production late 2003 and began filming in 2004.

It was completed this year and is to be screened at next years Sundance Film Festival.

Despite being an American production, it's a film very close to my heart and to the area where I grew up (Stourbridge/Wolverhampton) the title of the film refers to the bus I used to ride to college.

Here is the plot line of the film:

"Sam Winter is a lonely man in a lowly job with little or no direction. He is more than happy to cruise obliviously through his menial life using his uninspiring job as an office clerk to fund what little interests he has. His interests mostly consist of watching movies and drinking. Sometimes he combines the two. Sam is a non-event and he has come to a point in his young adult life when even he has noticed how irrelevant he is.

The one solid presence in Sam Winter’s life is Emma, his girlfriend of just over three years. She adores Sam but also pities him. She knows he is capable of so much more and she is fighting a seeming endless battle trying to prove this to him.
Sam believes that Emma is the best thing he has in his life. He loves her dearly but sometimes his efforts to make things right usually result in things going awry.
The relationship has begun to strain. Emma is beginning to feel a little frustrated by her lazy lover and Sam has developed a nagging feeling of entrapment. He feels that he has to do something about his life and turn it around but he has no idea how to do this.

His life becomes more complicated when he attends a friends party. Cutting a long (And drunken) story short Sam ends up passing out on a bed. Helen comes in and makes a pass at him. Emma walks in and is understandably upset. Despite Sam’s pitiful protesting
Emma calls time on the ‘train-wreck’ that is their relationship.

A few days later as Sam packs the rest of Emma’s things into a box to take to her house. Death comes for him. He’s somewhat surprised and tries to shoo away the Grim Reaper. This doesn’t work and Sam reluctantly grabs his jacket and follows Death.

When Death realises that he can’t get to the Netherworlds due to a technical hitch he foolishly attempts to catch a bus. This proves fruitless. Distraught, Death finds himself trapped on Earth and way behind schedule. Sam suggests that they go to a local pub. It is there that the two drink and talk about life, love and Death. The two form an unlikely friendship and exchange stories."


It's something I'm very proud of and I would love for the finished version to screen at the Light House as it would be a great honour. I'm a huge fan of the building and I have had some wonderful times and seen some fantastic films there (It was the only cinema that played 'Garden State')

Thank you for your time,

Kind Regards,

Christopher Bate

KNOW YOUR ONION (AND OTHER TALES OF NON-WOE)

Man, this week has been hectic what with Halloween parties, gatherings, a gig with my Grandmother to see her favourite country/folk singer (Which was worth the cost to see the old girl enjoy herself) and a trip to see Flogging Molly tonight followed by loony indie shape-throwing at Ramshackles--it's been very crazy but crazy in a good way.
I remember the days when I didn't do jack (whoever jack is)
It's because of all this tomfoolery that I haven't been able to check my email. I had a peek last night and found out that 'Death Rides The Nine' (The short film I wrote for those new to this rather tawdry blog) played at U & U, Salt Lake City on Wednesday gone.
If any of you have a time machine and live in that neck of the woods you could go and check it out and see what you think. It was featured in a double bill with another film (It wasn't named in the info I was given but I'm guessing it was of Asian origin by the directors name.)
I'm sure there will be other screenings at some point. They're road testing it to see what works and what doesn't. This kind of makes me a little nervous because people might call for "LESS FUCKING TALKING AND MORE GUN FIRE!" or "WHERE ARE ALL THE ROUND HOUSE KICKS?!" I have yet to find out how it went.
I am trying to arrange screenings on this side of the pond so that I can show friends, family and strangers what I've been blabbering about for the last couple of years.
Mans has been working hard to try and secure a couple of screenings at the uber cool Light House Media Centre (Which is a media college, art-house cinema, home of the Xtra indie night and gallery) this has been difficult because the screenings are strictly for 'local' talent. (i.e West Midlands, U.K) 'Death..’ has it's origins in my hometown but was produced and filmed in Salt lake City, Utah, USA.
I have to write an essay to the co-ordinator about how its roots are Midlands pure and true. Sample line: "Think of the characters as Midlanders with American accents."

Fingers and toes crossed. Claws too.

Also, Special thanks to Ben of Baker for another night of wickedly funny, forth-
wall-breakin' radio. Last nights 'Singles Club' was pure magic (So magic in fact that I saved the msn transcript so I can guffaw again) and caused many an Ovaltine-spilling moment. What other radio station would feature such gems as: What television show themes would you like to have sex to ('Stop It and Tidy Up' will never be the same again) and a clinical, often surreal, dissection of the latest singles and jingles. It is interactive radio at its ‘punk-rock’ finest.

Salute Ben Baker every Monday, 9pm on www.tfbfm.co.uk (And, in the instance of last nights show, whenever the hell he feels like)

Word (s)

C-Bizzle

Love

Another five minute scripty thing based on a conversation topic at the office.

'Love'

By Christopher 'Cupid hates me' Bate

EXT-PARK-DAY

It's a beautiful day. Long-time lovers Peter and Julia, mid twenties, are sat on a park bench watching the world go by.

PETER
Hey, I've got a question.

JULIA
It's not THE question is it?

PETER
No, no. We've already talked about that. It's more of a 'what if' kind of question.

JULIA
They're my favourite kind. Do you remember the one you asked the other day? The super powers one?

PETER
Yeah.

JULIA
I've changed my mind. I want claws like Wolverine and not fire powers. Claws are handier.

PETER
(Smiles)
They are.


JULIA
Anyway, what was your 'what if'?


PETER
Okay, what if one of us had the chance to make a boat load of money by say, I don't know, uh, starting a singing career or becoming an successful actor or something-


JULIA
Or a writer?


PETER
Writers don't make money. Anyway, you could go off and fulfil your dreams, obtain fame and fortune and live the highest life possible-


JULIA
-Yes?


PETER
-The only but in this scenario is that you would have to end this.


JULIA
What do you mean?


PETER
You'd have to end us.


JULIA
Couldn't you come with me?


PETER
No, because your agent and P.R people feel that your schedule and image wouldn't allow for a long-term relationship. You'd be way to busy schmoozing and rubbing noses with the big names. They also want your fans to believe that they have a shot with you.


JULIA
That's stupid.


PETER
Well, look at Britney Spears. Her career began to die because she got married and had a kid. People don't like their idols to be unavailable.


JULIA
Is that why you don't like Katie Holmes anymore?


PETER
How could she pick The Cruiser over me? It's ludicrous!


JULIA
I'm not an actor or a singer though.


PETER
Okay, let's say you won the lottery but the stipulation was that you could only have the millions if you were single.


JULIA
What kind of organisation would make those kinds of rules?

PETER
The kind of company that wants to show off a young, beautiful Lotto winner, I don’t know, but you have to choose regardless.

JULIA
So, it's a choice of fame and fortune-

PETER
-Or staying here in the same job, in the same financial situation and with the same person. Bare in mind that we could break up at some point-at any point-and you'd be neither rich, famous or committed.


JULIA
Oh. In that case, I think I would pick the fame and fortune. Relationships end, don't they? What's to say that we wont end- I think in this unrealistic situation I would have to be shallow.


PETER
You'd pick money over me?


JULIA
Yes.


PETER
Even after all this time together?


JULIA
(Nods)
Yes.


PETER
After all we have been through and experienced together?


JULIA
Yes.


PETER
Hmm.

JULIA
I'm sorry. Are you mad at me? We were just talking in 'What ifs'.


PETER
(Gets up) My numbers came up this week.


JULIA
What?


PETER
I won the jackpot.


JULIA
You're kidding me!


We hear a helicopter overhead. A ladder drops down and Peter grabs for it.


PETER
I just wanted to know how you really felt about me. Knowing that you have so little faith in our relationship, I feel better about doing this. Please know that, up until two minutes ago, you were my first choice.

Peter climbs the ladder and leaves Julia sat on the bench.

END

What would you pick?