"Funny down to earth funky groove monkey"

..That's how I was discribed by a girl in my office.

An office dispute caused one co-worker to drop a pretty swish reference to yours truly:


"CHRIS WILL TELL YOU THAT DEATH RIDES THE 9 AND IF THINGS CONTINUE TO HIT ME IN THE NAPE OF THE NECK, YOU’LL BE JOINING DEATH ON THAT BUS.

THE ONLY GOOD THING FOR YOU IS THAT YOU’LL PROBABLY BE ABLE TO GET ON FOR A HALF-FARE."


..Saw Brian Jonestown Massacre last night.

Man, what can I say? Drunk and droney.

I'm a little bummed about the break up of Sleater-Kinney.

Night out at The Light Bar. I haven't been for a while so it should be nice.

I'm not going to fall over any stools tonight. Promise.

Early this morning I wrote this email:

I turned up to work this morning still drunk. I’m both pleased with my ‘rock and roll’ attitude and disgusted at the same time.

At 13:50 my hangover kicked in..

..and my knee hurts..

Whopping Update

*Pheeeeeeeeeeeew!*

What a long weekend! I haven't been able to update this blog as much as I'd like because I don't have the net at home at the moment. This also means that I can't check or respond to emails. We're looking to sort this out ASAP. Until then, I'm having to post from work and that means no pictures of me and my shenanigans (I bet you're gutted)

FRIDAY

Friday involved packing, shopping and mooching. I brought a posh hat from H & M and some swish belts. I also picked up Resident Evil 4 (Quality game), ‘Sideways’ and ‘American Splendour’ from the HMV sale. I got back home and killed some zombies, evil Spaniards and giant crocs. Maja and Geezer called, mid game, and scared the life out of me (I get jumpy playing Resi) They confirmed when and where to meet. I was excited and nervous about meeting them. I'm always worried that people will be disappointed when they meet up with me.

My brother Nick, H and Blair came over and we had a small gathering which consisted of tea drinking, 'A Room For Romeo Brass' and the Big Brother eviction night. H and I dug out a few old tapes of our crappy comedy band. Blair seemed to enjoy our short, toilet-humour filled, sex obsessed punk songs from way back when. We even watched our short film 'Big Bloody Bin' from a couple of years ago. I was shocked that H wanted people to see it as it does contain, amongst other things, H dancing naked down a flight of stairs whilst wearing a large, cuddly caterpillar around his neck. Blair thought it was funny. My dodgy acting made me cringe though! Thankfully, I spent most of the time BEHIND the camera (Drunk if I recall)

SATURDAY

I headed down to London and met Stephanie at London Victoria. We then hopped on a big red bus to Camden to meet Geezer and Maja. They managed to find us amongst the throng of Goths and weirdoes because of my hair. We then went to a pub (Britain’s largest apparently) and chatted over a few drinks.

From the get go, it was crystal clear that they are great people. It felt like I was meeting someone famous (Which, as Stephanie pointed out, they kind of are) but, unlike meeting 'famous' people, they didn't disappoint.

They were great fun and we clicked instantly; swapping stories about our respective homes, music, caravans and sharks. We carried on the bonding at another bar; a bar frequented by members of Madness (You could tell by the masses of signed merch on the walls that the 'nutty' boys hung here) Sadly, we didn't see any of the gang.

So we walked around talking, laughing and inspecting Camden town. I ate the best Chinese noodles in the world before we got ready to check out the various indie haunts. After some umm-ing and arh-ing, we hit the famous Camden Barfly for a night called 'Kill Them All, Let God Sort It Out'. This consisted of live bands and crazy people. It was home for me.After that, we all hit the hay. Geezer and Maja kindly let us crash at their hotel because Camden was going crazy until the wee small hours. Stephanie and I said our goodbyes and see-you-soons and headed off to catch the 5am train to Brighton.

I'm sure Geezer and Maja will drop their thoughts on our adventures. Hopefully, their posts won't feature the line "Christopher Bate is a dick". They were the kind of people I wish I could see more of and I hope that I can see them again in the future. Maybe I'll go and visit them in Perth, home of big spiders, hot, hot heat (People fry as they walk around) and people that have 'no worries'.

Geezer and Maja are good ambassadors for Oz.

SUNDAY A.M

We headed back to Brighton and grabbed something to eat before hitting the various cool stores to do some serious shopping. I picked up the first Rogue Wave record, a copy of 'Quiet is the new loud' by Kings of Convenience for Stephanie and 'The Mitchell and Webb Situation' on DVD. Stephanie brought me a Sub-Pop DVD called 'Acquired Taste' and a copy of the excellent flick 'Dead Mans Shoes'

We headed back to Stephanie's pad and chilled out as Elton John could be heard playing the local cricket club. It sounded like a pretty cool show.

We saw Dylan Moran at the Brighton Dome later that night. It was good fun, if a little short. I expected a longer show but you can't have everything. I sat a few seats away from what looked like the lead singer of Hope of the States. If it wasn't him (And I'm pretty sure it was) then his doppelganger is running around Brighton.

I came home Monday and spent the day after chilling out, watching movies ('Just Friends'---Fucking awful, filling out forms for film fests, designing a new CD label for the DRTN DVD and eating salad.

I accepted the invitation to another Aaron, Shove and Bing gathering at Bar Edge.I declined the invitation for a few drinks with T and his boring, do-gooder friends at a boring, shitty pub. (I remember the days when T's birthday was something to be celebrated, not mourned. Ho-hum)

I ignored a 'Hey Mr, How are you?' text from DAMN, DAMN GIRL (AKA the EEEVVVVIIIILLL EX) because I don't have the will to plaster on a fake smile and make nice with that ***Fill in as appropriate*** anymore.

That was my few days in a nut-shell.

Pictures will be posted when I get the net at home.

Oh, and CONGRATS to Dan and Jamie

*Dofts hat to the newly weds*

Last night and all that

It started with a text from my old house mate:

"You need to get yourself to Bar Edge. We'll buy your drinks"

How could I resist?

The evenings highlights included: Lotsa wine, Long Island Iced Teas, Some nasty banana flavour drink that we got for 40p, Myself and a girl called Shove trying to DJ, One of the number outing himself, walking back with hand-in-hand with a girl I used to know and the guy I used to live with, Everybody back to mine, tea, DRTN, bed.

That's pretty much what I did yesterday. Everything else is a blur.

I'm finding it harder to be a gentleman.

Waiting for the bus this morning, I thought I'd let a girl on before me because I'm a gentleman and I believe in 'ladies first'

She must have had a similar idea because she motioned for me to go on.

I motioned back.

Then began a game of 'gesture tennis' where we kept batting our politeness back at each other.

-After you.

-No, after you.

-No! After you!

We seemed locked in this battle. I think we both started to get quite aggressive, spurred on by an urge to do good.

In the end, I got on first. She beat me at my own game.

This is not the first time this has happened.

Oh, and the new ECW sucks. I just thought I'd say.

Notes and Notes

Guys, girls and Geezers,

How are you all?

Please forgive the lack of activity on this blog and your own. We are between broadband providers at the moment so I can't access the net at home. I've been having to use the web at work and that's pretty limited.

I do try and visit as many blogs as possible (A junkie has to get his fix) and normal service should be resumed shortly.
A few things:

* The Steve called last week and said that Korea is treating him well. Classes are going well and he's very popular over there.

* Looking forward to the weekend. I'm meeting blog stars Maja and Geezer in London and then I'm going to visit Stephanie in Brighton. I'm really excited about meeting such cool people. I hope they don't think I'm dull or something!

I'm going to get my hair done this weekend. A slightly shorter style and a new colour.

Dreams and Summer Madness

Isn't it awkward when you have a kinky dream about someone you work with? Has that ever happened to you? I can't look at this girl without blushing.

Maybe I should say: "About last night; I had a great time but we both know it was a big sexy mistake. I mean, you have your guy to consider and I have my, uh, sock monkey. Feel free to pop into my dreams anytime as a platonic cameo role. I'll call you. Maybe we can fight pirates or zombies together sometime.."

I think I'll just ride it out and forget about it. Life is complicated enough, you know?

**STOP PRESS**
In a strange twist, the ladies on my team (Dream girl included) have voted me SEXIEST TEAM MEMBER!

I've got a certificate and everything! I've checked that it's not sarcasm or some kind of jibe.
There must be something in the water...

Oh, there's this for people who like plotless word-fests

Lost In The (Non) Plot

It's been brought to my attention from a valued source that my scripts and stories are good but they don't really have a plot.

Is that a particularly bad thing when you're a fan of 'talky' productions?

It never stopped Seinfeld.

Or Richard Linklater.

Or Woody Allen.

I'm just ramshackle, yo.

Hoping and Begging

I've been preparing DRTN for the Leeds International Film Festival. If it gets selected it would be a real boost for all involved. Personally, I could do with getting myself and the film out there a little more. I don't like sitting on my hands, waiting for things to materialise.
If anyone knows of any short film or script competitions then please let me know. You would be doing me a HUGE, HUGE favour and, if Lady Fame comes a-knockin' I WILL reward you with special, shiney things.


Westfield is eerily quiet without The Steve.

And he's off!

It's bye-bye to Steve on Sunday.

No more HOUSE mate at Westfield.

No more Superman's Foot.

One final trip to our favourite indie club as the complete, original 'Sirs of Sirs' line-up.

Beers, cheers and tears (Most likely from me as I can't handle goodbyes all that well).

Thanks for everything, sir. It's been a riot to say the least.

Introducing...

LESTER P. MASON!!!!!

Thank you so much, Corinna!

I love the little guy! I'm going to frame the cool paperwork and pictures that came with him and his companion!

The truth shall set you free

What a weekend it has been. Friday was Steve’s leaving bash and Saturday involved touring to peoples houses and enjoying the sunshine with them. Firstly, it was a BBQ at David J’s where we eat, bantered and played crab football. This was followed by another gathering at my friend Viking’s house to celebrate the yearly ‘Moran Invitational’.
‘The Moran Invitational’ is a pool tournament where people pool it out for a chance to win a huge jelly baby (Or at least have their name attached to it) I decided not to play because I really, really suck at pool. I caught up with some old friends and co-workers instead. That proved to be both entertaining and interesting.

You see, my old, much missed former house mate was there and, typical of the man, he was pleasant, funny and eager to get on with things despite the way we parted ways. I’d made my peace with him last year when I bumped into him at Blast Off but this was my first chance to really chat to him. It was like nothing had ever happened. We hadn’t missed a beat.

I knew that going to a party with a bunch of my former co-workers would bring up old issues involving my ex. Thankfully, no-one slapped or insulted me. Instead, they offered their take on things, confirming my fears and, in a strange way, liberating me.

If it’s not already clear from my previous posts and state of mind over the past year, my ex was a bit of a rotter. She played with my emotions and almost destroyed me. I have been very, very forgiving in an effort to forge ahead and pay tribute to the good times. I have been civil when people have advised me not to. I wanted to believe that the rumours about her were just that; that the girl that I once loved more than anything in the world would be incapable of such cruel, heartless actions.

I am throwing away those rose tinted specs and I am going to break that olive branch in two.
My ex cheated on me. Something that she has always flatly denied when I foolishly took her back a couple of years ago. She still denies it and I refused to believe it despite a painful, stinging feeling in my gut. She promised me. We used to take promises very seriously. We used to take ‘I love you’ seriously too.

Well, I did.

The people I spoke to had nothing to gain from talking to me about my ex. They were people that were there then. People I should I talked to before taking her back and giving her the second chance she didn’t deserve.

Fucking glasses!


Here are some of her greatest hits:


* 2002 Kizzy and I started Barclays. I was weary of working with my girlfriend of two and a half years. Working relationships are rarely a good idea.

* 2003. After a rocky period where she kept saying things like: “I don’t love you as much as I did yesterday” and threatening to live to Germany for some unknown reason, She topped things off by going away for the weekend with some guy she met through a friend of mine. She said that it was because he lived close to the airport. I didn’t want her to spend a weekend with a stranger but she did anyway. Her reasoning was that if she stayed at his, she could get the flight to Spain to visit her horrible cousin.

* After a fight about my Grandparents (I wanted to visit my ailing Grandfather and she wanted to stay in bed) she left my house in her P.J’s, walking up the street before sitting in the road. To my embarrassment, my brother had to pick her up.

* After moving out because my Mother couldn’t stand her, I got a place with co-worker Aaron. She was sick that week and between moving out, going to work and looking after her, I was pretty wiped. I was looking forward to our first night of real freedom. She decided not to spend the first night in our new home. She decided that she wanted to see friends in Nottingham on the basis that she was bored. I remember, somewhat confidently, giving her an ultimatum; going to Nottingham or staying with me (I don’t think this was unfair)
When I called her back a couple of hours later, she was drunk in Nottingham.

* After splitting up, she went off with a co-worker, knowing full well that this would make our break-up harder for me. During this period she told people that I used to beat her amongst other things. She said worse about the guy when we got back together. All bullshit.

* She returned to me, gracious and supposedly happy. She was content with cheating on me with the guy she hung out with during our split. She got pregnant. My house mate found out and called me in tears. I chose not to believe him because the girl that I loved wouldn’t do such things. The poor guy she was seeing also tried to tell me. The world tried to tell me!
The girl that I loved wouldn’t do such things (Repeat to fade)

* She was. She told me and her parents that it was during her time away from me. It seemed a little odd to all of us but we had no reason to doubt her. Naturally, I was crushed. Stupidly, I decided to support her thus causing Harry to use the line: “There is a fine line between noble and stupid”

* Darkness. I don’t need to tell you what happened next. It was harsh enough to put me in therapy, to take to a place I’d never dreamed I’d ever see. I didn’t want to be there, surrounding by women with scornful looks on their faces. Her mother holding my hand, telling me that I was a ‘good boy’ and that it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault. I was powerless, trapped in a situation that was like a nightmare; that still causes me to have bad dreams.

* The day after she went out and got drunk like nothing had happened. I sat at home and tried to deal with it. It took me a lot of time to deal with it.

* She left me for someone else about a week after my Grandfather passed away.


These are just highlights. Stop me if you think I’m being unreasonable.

I’m sorry to harp and bitch on about this. This is the final time, I swear. The upside to this is that the people involved have moved on and made new and better lives for themselves. There are new loves for the people she screwed over so carelessly. The guy she used and abused is now a friend of mine.

Me? Well, you know I’m fine. It took a long, long time but I’m in a better place. I’ve buried all my hatchets, made my apologies and attempted to square myself with karma like an episode of ’My Name Is Earl’. Her life is in the dumper. I won’t bang on so gleeful because that would be bad form.
It’s good to know what goes around comes around.

I’m done now. Thank you for reading. Judge me as you see fit. I value your opinions because I value you all. Feel free to be truthful.

Truth is pretty new to me.

We used to be friends

Surprise! Surprise! My old friend Tom didn't show up again! He was supposed to come along to Steve's leaving bash but he had less interesting things to do.

My cool friend from way back when has become one of those dull, smug people in a dull, smug relationship.

*Sigh*

Maybe I'm overreacting.