Monday, January 29, 2007

Help Me

After such a fun weekend, today was always going to be a massive come down. Once again, I find myself sat at my desk, coasting through the few days I have left in this clerical prison.

I keep thinking of all the things I COULD be doing; interviewing for jobs, watching films, playing Smackdown whilst drinking tea, reading my new Transformers U.K books (Prey and Fallen Angel) or teach a group of rough, inner city kids how to sing gospel songs, which would, of course, cause us to win at the local contest and gain the respect of our peers and friends, just like in Sister Act 2. Some 'cool' formally violent and rebellious student could high-five me at the end, declaring that 'I'm cool' just as we all celebrate in slow-mo.

Maybe I could just call out Bingo for the elderly and inject random, surreal jokes into the mix: "Unicron's distain, number 22. Cress! It's number 4"

Today, I have written some stuff for a script called 'Death, The Young Man' because, for some reason, I like writing about the Grim Reaper and his fish-out-of-water non-adventures and one called 'Cupid at Gunpoint' Both may or may not ever see the light of anything as most of my stuff gets abandoned about half-way through.

Wikipedia (The web site, not the mysterious house mate of K.P) has nourished my information-starved brain with interesting and pointless information. Today I learnt more about Leicester, it's ghostly goings on and witches. Witches led me to hags, crones, The Grudge, Deaths Head, Dragons Claws, and Fall Out Boy.
I found it oddly comforting that their front man is older than me. The fact that he's revered and billion times more successful isn't so comforting however.

Belated Congrats to fellow Blogger
Hicksion for getting a pilot commissioned at the BBC. Having flirted with them in the past, it's nice to know that someone gets to see the proverbial goods. *Doffs cap* I look forward to seeing 'Broken By Design' when it airs if only to swig a glass of brandy whilst drunkenly declaring "I sort of know the man who wrote that there programme..." to a dog.

You can SMELL the boredom, can't you?

KNEES (An Ode)

Knees
Knees
If you please
Let's raise a glass
And eat some cheese
In glorious tribute
To our knees
Knees
Knees

(Deleted rhyming words: Squeeze, Sleaze, Bees, Fleas and tease)

I'm so sorry.


Sunday, January 28, 2007

Brief Freakend Summary










*My amazing lady has an amazing family.

*Mai Tai is addictive.

*Leicester is a cool place full of retro shops, cool bars and swish clubs. It's also haunted by weird witches and mad monks.

*Men's footware is usually dull, over priced or both. I brought two pairs of trainers (Yellow and green) from New Look. A girls shop. Why should women have all the bright colours and men have to settle with brown, grey or navy blue shoes?

Kylie will most likely have more about the whole shebang as she had the camera which took the pictures. The above pictures are from Kylie's cool cousin's Facebook photo album 'Saturday Nightness'. I always look rough on photos and these, believe it or not, are some of the 'better' ones. Jebus! Maybe I need to start shrouding my face like a ninja. A party ninja. Hmm.

I hope you all had a good time. I'm tired.





Friday, January 26, 2007

I've finally been upgraded to the new blogger thing so forgive the temporary sparseness.
I want to at least get Sarah's cool banner back up asap

Thursday, January 25, 2007



Also, Kylie has pictures from our most recent Freakend if you're curious. It does contain candy floss and hip-hop hand gestures amongst other things

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

THINGS I'M GOING TO MISS ABOUT WORK (PART ONE: GAMES AND REGULAR 'FEATURES')

(Note that the following list doesn't feature anything to do with my actual job)


The Awards/Titles:

The Absolute Penis Award (Awarded when someone makes a social faux pas or makes a fool of themselves)

The Comedy Cup:
(When someone gets a load of people laughing about something odd)

The Fart Cup
(Retired March 2006)

The Anti-Corporate Cup
(Yelling at a boss or sticking it to the man prompted this award to be given)

Other Awards:

*The Magnifico Jones Cup
*The Golden Das Boot Award


'The Adventures of Christopher Bate' comic.
Five part series written and drawn by someone old enough to know better but thankfully didn't and was all the better for it. It featured myself against giant alien crabs.

'Carlton's Cynical News'

Much-missed Mr Miller (Try saying that with coffee in your mouth!) reads out news stories in an incredibly deadpan, uncaring and cynical way. The irony was that Miller was/is a very nice chap. It's a shame work felt the need to treat him so badly.

'Versus'

A throw-back to the days when you'd have such debates like: "Who would win in a fight between Terminator and Alien?” We would sort out "Who would win" scenarios by asking various people and then texting AQA (Any Question Answered). A giant crab would lose to a giant squid, if you're wondering. This cost us quite a lot of money.

'Office Ring-Ring'

Prank calling various office workers is always a chuckle. It spreads like fire and winds up bosses.
See also: 'Office Applause' (Where, if celebration broke out somewhere in the office, we'd join in with the clapping. This caused a wave of applause which annoyed the stiff and the old)

'The Three O’clock Semi-On’

It is literally as bad as it sounds, a crazy idea that was borderline inappropriate.

‘The Timmy Sleeping Challenge’

One of the oddest of odd bods that used to work here used to doze off. We would place bets on when he would nod off; extra points (or pennies) were awarded for snoring or a decent picture of Sleeping Non-Beauty.

‘Scare the Viking’ (AKA 'Poking the Hornets Nest')

My friend is easy to scare and, I have to admit, we used to take pleasure in making him jump. This involved drive-by screaming and bursting balloons whilst he was on the toilet.

‘Boys Toilet Wet Paper war’

Although it sounds like a bad porn flick, it merely involved moistened paper towels dumped on anyone, well, taking a dump.

‘Government Day’

When we found out that the cost of taxes made us effectively work for nothing each year, we had a ‘Government Day’, a Day where we did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. This day happened rather a lot.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007


I love this site. More so today because I'm fighting the demons of boredom. They are many and some of them have pointy sticks.

If you can't see the above image, blame stupid Blogger :(

Monday, January 22, 2007

Wittering Heights

It is a time of great unknowing. Funny how things take a turn isn't it? A few months ago I was floundering, running around, putting on metaphorical puppet shows and twirling, twirling, TWIRLING.

Now, well, you know. Things have changed. Not too much but just enough.
Exciting stuff. Adventures for two.


A new location and a new vocation would be even better. We're taking baby-steps to ensure that these things will happen and happen soon. They will, of course, but they're not going to happen by clicking our fingers (I dropped out of Hogwarts. I kept missing the train.)

Scared? Of course I'm scared! I'm always scared! I create things to be scared about and they're not normal but I'm not normal. I'm a confident guy with low self-esteem so that invariably brings its complications.

I'm told this is how you get when you're in love; deep, deep, KER-AZY love.

My freakend was fun. Saturday was cool.
We saw a guy from work and Blair and I decided to be more social and say another hello after a brief, awkward 'Oh, hi' type interaction. We ended up having a great time and a wild mini-pool tournament in which saw yours truly actually win a game.

We won booze. Pictures to follow.
Kylie took the best ones. She is much better with a camera.


('Kylie: Like Chris but prettier and more incredible')

Blast Off was okay but no one seemed into it. It's a shame because I had a lot of energy that needed to be burned off. I had a run around in the garden. Bloody Red Bull.

Also heard from my cousin from America (I mean that in the literal sense, not the 'street' way) and he wants me to visit. We're also suggested a 'Musical Exchange':

"You see, I have been out of the loop on music lately as I haven't been able to buy a CD for months! It got me thinking that we could probably help to extend each other's music collection by sending each other a couple of CD-R's every month"

Considering my Cousin has the best taste in music and, as with most things, I've taken my cues from him, I'm pleased that he's looking to moi for something. After all, he introduced me to Modest Mouse, The Album Leaf, The Shins, Okkervil River...and so on and so on. This is the very, very least I can do for him. He once took me to a Lord of The Rings theme bar in Southampton. Enough said.


Better get back to job hunting. No pirate vacancies and I think 'secret agent' isn't an option at this point. Could you imagine me in a 007 role? Sheesh.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Boon the Party Badger says...

"Here's to a lovely Freakend with no 'sett' backs"

(I kill me)

I, for one, am looking forward to a great and good one. The company will be splendid despite the horrible, horrible fact that I don't have any money. I may have to dance for coins again.

I also need new shoes. Shiney, shiney new shoes. I have a Glitterball to attend.

Ka-Pow!

Chris

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Yakkity Yak

Who knows if this will actually appear on this blog what with all the-





-screwing up my blog posts and stopping me from making the switch to the much hyped Blogger Beta. I'm not sure why my Blog is constantly being teased and then denied the opportunity.

Anyway, enough of all that. To lighten the mood, here is a picture of a Yak:




I posted the above picture to my friends and we killed time by coming up with a long list of Yak-based puns. Here are a few:

* YAK-A-PULT
* DON'T LOOK YAK IN ANGER
* YAK-ULT (The popular health drink stuff)
* YAK TO THE FUTURE
* YAK BAUER (From 24)
* TREVOR YAK DONALD (Popular newsreader)
* YAK-MAN
* YAK MORRIS (Main character from 'Saved by the Bell. The one that didn't do porn...to the best of my knowledge)

If you have any suggestions, throw them down into the comments..


In other, slightly more relevant news, I've finally handed my notice in, thus easing the stress and aiding me to start finding a job that doesn't sap my soul. I suppose I can ease back knowing that I'm on my final month and I really don't have to care.

Love and Jelly,

Chris

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Blogging (is) a dead horse

YOUR NEW VERSION OF BLOGGER IS READY!

So you keep saying but everytime I try to 'switch my account' you say that I can't!

Is anyone else flat out bored with Blogger at the moment?

Screw this, I'm going to myspace for a while. It's easier.

Futures,

Chris

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Creme Eggs and Crackers


Rad weekend again with Super K.

Wild house party on saturday; mingling, putting faces to the names and being charming (As charming as I can be) before that there was much shopping. I brought Kylie a 'My Little Pony' and she brought me some very cool trinkets and a purse with monkeys on it. Swish!

The wheels have been set in motion for cool plans; notice boards filled with pictures, fish, IKEA, shiney new careers, big smiles and such.

Now, after a lovely lazy day, there's a promise of creme eggs and crackers in bed.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

So, uh, yeah...


Has it really been a week since my last post? Jinkies!

I've been crazy busy though; planting the seeds for possible new careers and plotting to get the HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE PRISON. Yes, I have the worlds most simple and effective notice of resignation all ready to thrust into the clammy hands of however my manager is this week. Freedom feels good…scary good.

I've spent a large portion of my time with my girl and, over a fun weekend away from Westfield Road, we went for a nice meal with some cool people, drank (Pepsi for me) at a cheesy bar, shopped a few times, played on some swings and had many a chuckle, guffaw and other assorted laughs.

It was greatness and we're doing it all again this weekend. In between this I've had the first 'Orange Wednesday' for a good while which gave me the chance to catch up with my sweet friend Aaron and the always amusing Byng.

Had some blah blah on the film which I've posted on myspace. Frustrating stuff, films. I might try and become a wrestling manager. That would be fun and slightly weird. Or I could work in a zoo.

The world is my crazy oyster.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

2007 AD

How are you, guys and girls? Did you have a good New Years?

I hope that you held your booze better than I did. I'm out of practice with wine and it made me very sick with little time to shape up for the countdown.

Still, I got to spend some quality time with Kylie and that's all that counts. One of my favourite moments was picking tracks and putting on a little playlist for people to dance and sing to. A guy dressed as the killer from Scream was crazy for Kasabian.

There are pictures on the flickr thing if you want to see what went on.

The only downer regarding the New Years Party was that two of my closest friends decided to cancel at the last minute because they couldn't be arsed (H's actual words)
This hurt a little bit, more so when it was later revealed that my best friend ended up bumping me to hang around with people he doesn't even like.


They'll be less of that this year, methinks. Sometimes I get knocked by the people I care about and I bury it under a fake plastic smile. One of my resolutions is not to allow things like this to happen or, at the very least, let them disturb me as much as they do. I can't really change the (sensitive) person I am but I can limit the amount of crap that I sometimes have to endure from my nearest and dearest.
I want to be able to say NO when it's needed. YES is fine and dandy but too much can be counter-productive.

I've made a set of resolutions and they're nothing that I can't commit to. I want to travel, see more places and spend more time doing the things I love. Kylie has opened many doors for me and I want to dance through them all. We have a lot of adventures to go on and we already have a bunch of things to look forward to.
2007 has the potential to be a very awesome year where the seeds planted in '06 begin to flourish.


RESOLUTIONS:


-Travel/Holiday more

-Drink less Redbull and take less Pro-Plus

-Meet more Bloggers: Ben, Norton, Dan and the rest of the U.K-based folk (THEN go global!)

-Try and make Bent Soul as good as possible (You've seen the trailers for 'Employee of the Month' , right?)

-Do something with Ben Baker...(I'm talking comedy here, cheekies!) It would be much fun and he rules (Check his site and shows for proof). It's bull that he's not on T.V when Catherine Tate and that sort of unfunny ilk clutter up primetime. I've said this before (In bars and on blogs) and I'll keep saying it until it happens.

-Find new places to have Freakends

-Move house

-FIND NEW JOB

-Go to 'All Tommorows Parties' in April

-Visit my cousin in America Land.


Those are just a few that have come to mind right now.

What are yours?


(Maybe Blogger should actually let me upgrade to the new version like it keeps asking me to. Everytime I try it tells me that I can't. Bloody teasers!)



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