Tuesday, January 02, 2018

Aloofus, Aloofus...

So, it’s 2018. I’m staring down the barrel of my 40’s but with the same goofy mindset I honed in my 20’s. Mentally, it doesn’t feel as bad as it should. If anything, it’s a real deal breaker, something to keep me sane.

To that end, my resolutions for this year weren’t all ‘normal stuff I need to do’ but daft things that I really don’t. Things that cause people to ask ‘why?’ is something that charges me. Why indeed? Sometimes even I don’t know.

Amongst the slightly odd resolutions, I’ve decided to write a TV Guide-style synopsis for everyday, to be completed, and posted, by 10am everyday. This is pointless, part of me knows this but the other part needs it like you wouldn’t believe.


In the season premiere, Christopher has an incredibly lazy day and makes a list of resolutions which he will most likely give up on, like the idea to write a TV guide synopsis of his day, every day.


Chris returns to normal life after the lazy Christmas period with a renewed, can-do attitude. This lasts until around 10:30am when he makes a coffee that tastes of calor gas and children’s tears.

3.1.18 - “Stone Fists & Spreadsheets”
In the real world, Christopher begins to enjoy his job again, much to his surprise. In The Unreality, Chris faces the ultimate test when faces the fearsome StoneFist in mortal combat.

4.1.18 - “Blursday”

Christopher faces a win-lose situation as work piles up. In The Unreality, Chris adjusts to fame after his win in the Arena of Absolute Death.

5.1.18 - "Mammals & Machines"
In The Unreality, Chris is granted an audience with the Queen of the New Realm and worries that his britches are showing off too much 'mammal toe'. In the real world, Christopher stresses about his unpaid Transformers subscription and considers dancing for money.

6.1.18 - "Harsh Barley"
Chris contemplates the house move to Kings Heath as Kylie looks for opportunities in the West Midlands. In The Unreality, the meeting with The Queen of the Realm goes so well that Christopher is made a knight. However, a rival within the ranks could spell trouble down the line.

7.1.18 - "The Rival"
Chris enjoys a lazy weekend and works on his wellness plan. In The Unreality, Christopher and Mennick go head-to-head for the first time during combat training. Mennick vows to expose Christopher's slaying of StoneFist as a fluke.

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Patch Notes 1.38

Fixed an issue where Christopher would leave clothes on the floor. When prompted, he will put things away correctly, avoiding an access of uncoupled socks.

Christopher will now stutter significantly less in social situations.

Fixed a bug where Christopher will apologise to every commuter that bumps into him. This also feeds in to justifying any life decision or non-selfish need.

As an addition to this, ‘Agony Uncle Mode’ has been turned off.

Added more enthusiasm for writing and creating, with less of a focus on work.

Stabilised glitching when Christopher has to communicate with idiots. He will now simply turn heel and walk away rather than engaging further.

New location added - Kings Heath

Friendship circle added - ‘The Sirs Of Sirs’

Fixed a significant issue where Christopher would get fat if he ate unhealthy food. He will now crave a salad or opt for something with lower calories.

Christopher will now go to the pub after work 50% less.

Christopher will no longer go to company parties as they are full of people in suits, awkwardly gyrating to ‘Blurred Lines’

The ‘Steps Per Day’ challenge has now been moved to 9000. 

Aloofus, Aloofus...

So, it’s 2018. I’m staring down the barrel of my 40’s but with the same goofy mindset I honed in my 20’s. Mentally, it doesn’t feel as bad a...