My head has been a royal blur of late.
The lines between fact, fiction and something I like to call 'faction', seem to be pretty hard to define. I'm having trouble opening up to people, letting them in which is strange considering a lot of them are tried and tested dear friends.
Maybe it's the fact that I've locked myself away until the weekend, peeking my head out much, much less than usual or maybe it's the weather, winter makes me want to build a little nest and stay in the warm. I know I should be focused on the writing but my mind keeps straying away to other things; old, new and unknown.
Sometimes I'm hit by the stone cold fact that I mostly write about things that, although simple and real enough, are completely out of my reach.
For example, I love writing (And hearing) about two people meeting and bonding for the first time and that incredible magic that hangs in air and tracks like, I don't know, 'Once Around the Block' can be heard in the background. I yearn for the days when I didn't know what to expect from potentials, when it was all 'eek!' and butterflies..Now I know what it's like and my romantic ideals have been stripped away the fun is ruined. There are no real surprises anymore.
The 'love always' in those cards don't deliver on the promise.
I suppose it's the adult version of being told that Santa doesn't exist... I want to believe but it's a) rubbish and b) It scares me.
I don't know where I'm going with this because I'm talking (or trying to) about something I know nothing about. I just hoped that I'd have had it all figured out by now and that I wouldn't be so cowardly about matters of the heart and a hell of a lot more sure of what I want.
I suppose there's always fiction. That is something. I've been living in a La-La Land of my own creation for sometime now and it would be both foolish and unwise to snap back to reality now.
I don't know what set me off. It might be the person I've been missing, or at least the idea of that person (Reality knocks off my rose-tinted glasses)
*Meh* Whatever. It's just a phase because I'm bored and the jigsaw pieces in my head aren't coming together like I want them to.
Anyway, What do you want for Christmas?
15% off,
Chris
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15 comments:
Chris, I'm scared: it feels like you were talking about me!!
I've been prefering the La La Land too, it's not just that it's easier, it's more fulfilling, it's deceptive but it isn't at the same time.
And I want to write but feel really blurry and can't focus on any idea. I keep jumping from one thing to another, I have no discipline.
Good luck :)
Your my hero Chris,
Just like Santa was!
i cant go through it all again
Awwwww, you're just like Lily Allen, except less obviously on fire. In my head anyway. Sometimes I do think you post this drippy stuff just to be bathed in soothing blogger oils, which is fine every so often.
But you and I both know rock and roll will NEVER die. Time to put on your blue suede shoes and step outside...
For someone who doesn't know much about human relationships you write about them very convincingly!
Oh dear. That sounded like the Blogger oils than Ben predicted.
How about "Stop whining, Gayboy?"
La La Land is a very fun place to be. But lately I've been preferring reality, I guess it's because I have faith in the 'Love Always' sentiment (as misguided as that might be).
Here comes those Blogger sooting oils: Trust and it will happen.
- oh and stop being wet!! :-P
nah, i don't believe that. you might meet someone today, tomorrow, next week who'll give you butterflies and more... and it'll have a happy ending. i realise i'm not living proof of this myself but you have to live in hope and keep taking the chance. God knows it isn't easy but it can be done!
Hmmmm I am beginning to think is it all worth it. What with the on going saga with Jerk boy and now Mr Tall who gives me the butterflies big time but I just never see him as distance doesn't allow. It's just all shit to be frank.
Rock and Roll will never die - relationships come and go and are hard work, butterflies are fun and all but are they really worth it. Who knows? I am just gona go with the flow and you should to whether you flow reality or fantasy at least my dear friend you flow.
Ben is right, I suppose I was being a little drippy but being stuck in my soul-sapping office odten does that too me. I get too much time to think about things and, more often than not, they go straight onto blogger in the spirit of 'recording and capturing the good and the bad'.
Strangely, I've had more attention these past few months than ever and it's all very strange to me.
One day I'll be more thankful, think less and worry not. One day.
We all get down some times. But do you know what I think when I get all low and reflecive?
Fish and chips.
It's as simle as that. No matter how bad things get, you can always go out and get some scrumptious fish and chips, a battered sausage, some mushy peas. They'll even chuck you some scraps in if you ask nicely.
Yeah, you're gonna be alright.
I think it's something about this time of year, maybe.
And other stuff.
PS - Still hoping for the pony. Or, maybe...the cowboy. Anyway...
why did I think this place didn't exist anymore? has it started existing again recently? or did my brain have an existence issue as it tends to? Anyway, relinked yers
writing, eh? i write faction too - hardly anything I've written was completely made up - a lot of it wasn't made up at all - I can't write about it otherwise.
for xmas I want the Richard Donner cut of Superman 2
Are you lonely or alone?
I want a baby elephant like them pictures in the paper.
Love will come to you when you're good and ready for it. I bet ya!
xox
Christopher, believe in the moment please. There will be magic, i know it.
It is going to give its place to another feeling after some time, but it'll keep coming and going and coming again. You'll see.
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