Chuck (Is Dead)

A little sketch/script I cooked up during a long and tedious day at work. My friend Blair said something like "If you died in this office no one would notice" so I scribbled this little short in just under ten minutes. It's not fantastic but I thought I'd share it none the less.

V.O CHUCK
My name is Chuck Evans and I’m not feeling myself.



OPEN:



INT-OFFICE-DAY


We move through a busy British office. Where people of all ages, races and sizes are joined together in a unison of clerical harmony.
We weave through the rows of busy workers until we arrive at the desk of our unusual narrator and protagonist, Chuck Evans.
Chuck Evans truly isn’t himself in fact, Chuck is dead.
His limp, lifeless body is sat almost upright in his seat. His computer is on. No one seems to have noticed the pale corpse at the computer.
A cheerful young man (DARREN) wheels his chair over to Chuck.


DARREN
Hey, Chuck mate! Did you catch the football? It was a total washout, man. I don’t know what they were playing at! It was an absolute shambles. There was no team play. They all need shooting out of a cannon. What did you get up to? Did you head to Boom-Boom’s? I was going to go up but I was too pissed off about the game plus, I was very drunk. I drowned my sorrows in ‘The Slag’s Head’. Not the best weekend. Oh, that reminds me, it’s Steve House’s birthday next Saturday. He told me to ask you if you wanted to come. Be great if you could come and mix things up a bit. Let us know, man. It should be pretty wild.

Darren wheels back over to his desk.

There is a long beat. People type, phones ring and people chat amongst themselves.
Chuck sits lifelessly in the middle of it.
A young woman (Cheryl) walks over to Chuck’s desk.



CHERYL
Hey, Chuck. Good weekend? Did you get my text? What did you think? Rebecca would not stop talking about you! It was non stop. I said I’d text you her number. It would really make her day if you gave her a call. I think you’d make a great couple. Anyway, I’d better get back to work. Mr Taylor is in a really bad mood today and he wants everything done yesterday. See you later, babe!



Cheryl touches Chuck on the shoulder and waltzes away.
Another beat. More office hustle and bustle.

An older man (BARRY) comes over to Chuck’s desk and drops a pile of paperwork in front of the corpse.


BARRY
Do this when you can, mate. There’s no real rush but I need someone knowledgeable to do it. Bloody Bob Taylor is on the warpath today. I know you’ve got a lot on but if you can do just a few of these reports today then that would be fantastic. (Sighs) Stress, eh? I need a new job I think. Perhaps I should just give this up and work in a sex shop. (Chuckles) Cheers for this, mate. I’ll buy you a couple of pints next time we go down the boozer.


He exits.

CLOSE ON:


CLOCK

The time reads ‘9:35’


SWIPE CUT:


CLOCK


The time now reads ‘11:31’



INT-OFFICE-DAY



Chuck is still slumped in his chair. His pale dead eyes staring into nothing.
Darren returns.



DARREN
Hey, mate. Blair from Accounts told me this wicked joke. Did you hear about the leper and the prostitute? (Waits)
He left her a tip.
(Laughs)
‘Left her the tip!’ Do you get it? He’s a leper. He left her the tip of his penis, not a tip as in a couple of quid. He told me another one but I can’t remember the punch line. Have you heard any good jokes?



CUT TO:


CLOSE ON:


Chuck’s computer:

‘You’ve got mail’



INT-OFFICE-DAY



Another young office worker walks up to Chuck’s desk.
This is Chris.



CHRIS
Hey, Chuck. Good weekend? I saw a great film on Friday-


Chris grabs a vacant seat and sits down next to Chuck.


CHRIS
-’The Chuckling Dead’. Have you seen it? It’s by the writer/director of ‘Small Fries’, that midget comedy. It was really good. Well, good for a zombie musical anyway. You have to turn your brain off to really appreciate it. I was going to see ‘Two Many Cooks‘, the comedy about an out of work actor who pretends to be a gay chef and becomes an international celebrity but it was sold out. Oh man! You’ll never believe it! Bloody Celina rang me on Saturday night, right out of the blue. She sounded absolutely wasted. She started on about how much she missed me and how much she wanted me back. I didn’t cave in. I was unusually tough. It was quite hard but after the chat we had the other day I felt rather empowered. Onwards and upwards, like you said. Hey, I hear Rebecca has a thing for you. That’s sweet, man! You should definitely give her a call. Talk about a jackpot! I’m so jealous. I’ve sent you an email to your hotmail address. It’s that script I was telling you about. Let me know what you think. I’ve chopped and changed some bits for pacing purposes. Give me your honest opinion. Any-who, bud I’d better get a shift back on. I’m sure you’ve heard about Mr Taylor. I heard that his wife went off with another man over the weekend and he’s taking his frustrations on all and sundry. Whatever happened to keeping you personal business and your work life separate? That’s what they’re always telling us to do. I suppose it’s one rule for them and another rule for us slaves, huh?
Give me a call if you want to meet up at dinner. Later, Chuck.



Chris gets up and exits.


CLOSE ON:


CLOCK

Time is ‘13:16’



INT-BREAK ROOM-DAY


Chuck is sat on his own in the spacious break room/cafeteria. He is as lifeless as ever.
People come and go, eat their lunch and chat nosily. They are all seem totally oblivious to the rotting carcass amongst them.


CUT TO:
INT-OFFICE-DAY


Chuck is sat back at his desk. His head is slumped forward and he is almost coming off his chair.
A young man places a mug of coffee on Chuck’s desk.


PETER
Two sugars, right?


Peter walks off.


CUT TO:


CLOSE ON:


CLOCKING OUT MACHINE


We see a queue of people punching out and leaving the office for the day.


CUT TO:


INT-BUS-DAY


Chuck is sat on the bus. His decomposing body jolts at every bump and turn. He eventually flops over awkwardly in his seat.


CUT TO:


CLOSE UP:


PHONE

It rings out. The answering machine kicks in.
We hear the voice of a cheerful young man.


STEVE (V.O)
Hello, Chuckles! It’s Steve. I’m just calling to see if you want to come to my birthday bash at the little civic. It would be good to see the Chuck man and his party pieces. Let me know, mate. I won’t take no for an answer so you’d best clear your busy schedule.


BEEP!


INT-LIVING ROOM-DAY


Chuck is sat on his sofa now. A few flies buzz curiously around his pale blue skin.
We hold onto him for a long beat. The only sounds that can be heard is the ticking of an old clock which sits on the mantel.


CUT TO:


EXT-PARK-DAY


Chuck is sat on the park bench. He has an opened loaf of bread by his side. There are a few pieces of broken bread on the ground in front of him. Hungry pigeons have gathered for a frantic feast.
An old man (We’ll call him DENNIS) moves towards the bench.


DENNIS
Is there anyone sitting here, Son?


The old man slowly takes a seat. He looks at the chap sitting next to him.


DENNIS
Lovely day, isn’t it? Best weather we’ve had in ages. I don’t trust the weather reports anymore. I think they make them up. Yesterday they said it would be clear so I went out in my jacket. I got halfway to the shop and it started raining. I’m sure they make it up. It’s nice to have a bit of sun. We hardly get to see Mr Sunshine anymore. They reckon it’s because of that A-Zone layer. People are wearing it out by using aerosols and too much petrol. I don’t drive. I’ve got bad knees. If I did drive I’d use that unleaded stuff. You’ve got to do you bit to help the world, haven’t you? This world is a beautiful place and we’ve got to make an effort to keep it that way. (Sighs) My Elsie, she were all for keeping Britain tidy. She was like that. She was always trying to save the endangered animals; the panda, the whale, the ginger donkey-all that lot. She loved all that. She wouldn’t even kill a spider. She had a great respect for life. She’s gone now. She’ll be gone two years this Sunday. Two years. It seems much longer. She’s probably looking down on me now. She‘s probably thinking “Stop boring that young lad to death!”. She was a lovely lass.


Dennis turns his attention to Chucks attire.



DENNIS
So you work in an office then? I couldn’t do that. Too many hours in front of those computers. I don’t like those things. I was a grafter. We didn’t have much call for computers in my day. It was real work back then. Look at my hands. They are as tough as buggery. I was a roofer by trade for over thirty years. I couldn’t do what you do. I like to keep busy and active. Well, I did before my knees went bad. I used to be known as ‘The Rooftop Wizard’.


Chuck slumps forwards onto the grass.


DENNIS
Are you all right there, Lad?


CUT TO:


INT-LIVING ROOM-DAY


Chuck is back on his couch.


CUT TO:


MONTAGE:


A montage of images of dead young Chuck in a variety of places. We seem him at the office, at the cinema, alone at a restaurant, at his home and we see him at Steve’s party. He is the exact opposite of the life and soul of it.
We hear a soft electronic track (Boards Of Canada) which plays as we view the montage and then FADE TO:


INT-OFFICE-DAY


Chuck is sat at his desk while the living get on with their lives oblivious to the fact that he is not.


CHUCK (V.O)
My name is Chuck and I am--


FADE TO BLACK


CHUCK (V.O)
--Deceased.


THE END