My name is Chris and I'm a coffeeholic. I'm hooked totally. It's a vital source of much needed energy that stops me falling asleep at my desk. The witless ape next to me hid my cup of 'wake up warmth' this morning 'for a joke' and I had the compulsion to kill him (more so than usual). I hated coffee before I started working here and now I can't get through the day without it. It says a lot about my mundane occupation.
THINGS TO DO TO MAKE THE WORK DAY MORE AMUSING
1. Throw a paper towel into an occupied cubicle. You could also throw water. Avoid throwing your love. That's a fluid too far.
2. When a colleague brings their baby in to be admired, talk to it as if it was your own age. E.G "Did you see the game last night? Fucking travesty etc""So, what music are you into?"
3. Attach random items of stationary to the annoying bloke who sits next to you. See how many you can put on before he freaks out. Think of it as human buckaroo.
4. Make a bizzare noise and see who notices first. Start quiet and get louder. Be careful not to get caught.
5. Hum an annoying tune. See how many people pick up on it. One point for every colleague. Five points for your boss.
6. Pick up your phone and put the reciever to your eye. Do this until someone asks you what you're doing. Reply with: "I don't recognise the number" or "I can't get the hang of these newfangled contraptions"
7. Start breathing louder and more intense. Stare straight ahead for added menace. Really built it up. Ten points if people begin to move away.
8. Stand up and say "I'm just off to have a wank. Anyone want anything from the drinks machine?"
9. Use ye olde expressions like 'What the Dickens?' and 'Stone the crows'. Also, try and use the classic phrase 'Steady the bus'
Oh, there is now a tagboard on this site for people to write random stuff on. You don't have to be signed up to Blogger either, so non-ego driven peeps who don't have a blog can comment. Lengthy posts are best left in the comments as the tagboard is for short messages. Feel free to leave your mark.
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4 comments:
very good reading, thank you. I'm implementing several today. I laughed ... well snorted coffee through my nose on a few, thanks for that.
One thing. I use the Firefox browser and the tag board looks funky...
Oh, and thanks for the comment and the tag, too kind.
Thanks, BlogHo. Your blog is absolutely hilarious. I consider it an honour to have envoked some coffee snortage from your good self.
Thanks for posting.
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Cool blog, interesting information... Keep it UP » »
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