The Queen and I

Not a lot of people know this but I was once arrested for breaking into Buckingham Palace. I say 'break in' but it was more of a 'walk in'. Nothing spectacular.
I hada poke around. No one can blame me. It was very nice, very clean. Clean is good if you're the Queen. There was no hay on the floor. No laundry all asundry (Not sure if that's even a word). It was splendid.
I made myself a brew with what can only be described as the tea bag of the Gods. It was truly divine. "So this is how the other half live!" I thought. I helped myself to a biscuit....Rich Tea, of course and made my way unabashed nose around the palace, dunking as I went.
I admired the various portraits, noticed a couple of fetching vases and smelt the the grace in the air. (Grace smells like lemons FYI.)
I walked into a large bedroom--the size of a stadium and saw the Queen. The actual Queen. Full on.
She was listening to her record player. The Queen likes Sting, fans of fact. She also likes hot jazz.
I decided to say 'Hello'. It only seemed polite. She was a little stunned but I relaxed her with a witty joke about otters. She ushered me into the Living room and we had a bit of a chat.
She seemed a little nervous. I noted this.

-I like your curtains, Mrs Queen.
-Thank you.
-(Pause) What's your favourite film?
-(Pauses) Rambo.
-Have you ever heard of a film called 'Death Rides The Nine'?
-Are you threatening me?
-Egads, no! (Pause) Lovely tea.

It was then that a team of security men burst in and bundled me out of the palace. They were a little rough and a wee bit rude.
If you're going to enter the Queen's house and have a chat with her make sure you're wearing trousers.