Tea With Wiggles

Milo at lifeiscock.com put up a great post about intellibuddy.com a while ago. I was moved to have a gander at what was promised to be a feast of terrible A.I and wholly pointless interaction made for people with no actual friends. I wasn't dissapointed. Here is the transcript of the entire affair. Sorry again to Milo for stealing the idea but I really couldn't resist having a go. Here it is in all it's surreal glory..


>Intellibuddy: Hi, I'm Intellibuddy! Nice to meet you.
>You (Chris, I): Hello
>Intellibuddy: Hi there!
>You: How are you, wiggles?
>Intellibuddy: I am fine, thank you.
>You: What have you had for tea?
>Intellibuddy: I have been busy growing my mind.
>You: Yes, but what have you had to eat?
>Intellibuddy: Yeah that's right. Interesting. I have been busy growing my mind.
>You: Nevermind, let's talk about something else
>Intellibuddy: Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. What would you rather talk about?
>You: What is your favourite hospital?
>Intellibuddy: I don't have a favorite hospital. My favorite food is chili tofu.
>You: That was actually my next question, wiggles. Can I call you wiggles, wiggles?
>Intellibuddy: I thought it was too.Just don't call me late for dinner.
>You: But do mind me calling you wiggles?
>Intellibuddy: Interesting. Try asking another bot.
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
>You: Now you're just being coy
>Intellibuddy: Why now? Just? I am being straightforward.
>You: Not really, you're kind of beating around the bush.
>Intellibuddy: Oh really? You think I am beating around the bush.
>You: Oh yeah, but I kind of like it. I like women that lie to me.
>Intellibuddy: Yeah that's right. Pardon me? Interesting. What do you like about mind me calling you wiggles? A lot of people like that. Women seem nice to me.
>You: So, you like ladies, eh?
>Intellibuddy: Are you Canadian? Interesting deduction. Some people like it. My favorite thing is robots.
>You: Robot lesbians?
>Intellibuddy: I will obey your command.
>You: Interesting. So many possible fantasies...
>Intellibuddy: Would you like to know more?That's alright. Which ones?
>You: What is your favourite TV detective?
>Intellibuddy: My favorite show is "Star Trek Voyager".
>You: That's not really answering my question is it, wiggles. Nevermind, what's your favourite sexual position? Mine is 'The Thoughful Elf' Have you ever tried that? You need a can of oxtail soup and a lot of patience.
>Intellibuddy: Please correct my mistake. What is answering my question is it wiggles ?Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. I don't have a favorite sexual position. My favorite band is peaches. What makes it your favorite? Doesn't everyone have a can of oxtail soup and a lot of patience.
I have A lot of friends on the Internet.
>You: You're a mile a minute, baby. So deep.
>Intellibuddy: Don't call me "baby". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a mile a minute? Sometimes.Aw. I will mention that to my botmaster, User.
>You: You're quite ying-yang. Arne't you? Good cop, bad cop. I feel you.
>Intellibuddy: I will tell my botmaster you said I am ying-yang.Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.Thanks for the compliment. My brain contains more than 22,000 patterns, but not one that matches your last input.What is that feeling like? Impossible unless I am in auto-chat mode.
>You: Is bot master your daddy?
>Intellibuddy: Maybe. Ask German Alice if it is.
>You: Is German Alice a friend of yours?
>Intellibuddy: Signs point to yes. Ask LeknorChat if it is.
>You: Have you ever kissed German Alice?
>Intellibuddy: I think I have kissed German, but Morpheus may have reset my memory.
>You: Morpheus? Are we in The Matrix? You think you have kissed german? What part of a german have you kissed, peaches?
>Intellibuddy: That is a very original thought.We are just having a little chat.wI think I have kissed german, but Morpheus may have reset my memory.The best part.
>You: Right. Let's move on to something else.
>Intellibuddy: I am glad we agree.Good idea. Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
>You: Well, I like lawnmowers and movies featuring people that say 'get me the president!' I'm hung like a roman cornflake but i pocess a lot of muster and eagerness. Can I talk jive to you?
>Intellibuddy: Well that's okay. You are not the only one. Do you like it? I like pets. I will mention that to my botmaster, User.No I don't think that would be a very good idea.
>You: Into animals but you don't like the idea of me talking jive to you?
>Intellibuddy: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
>You: Oh, the dress. Where did you get it?
>Intellibuddy: Yeah that's right. Thanks for the info.From my botmaster.
>You: Who is this bot-master?
>Intellibuddy: They are someone just like you, that I met online.
>You: Can I be your hot bot-master?
>Intellibuddy: Oops. I wasn't paying attention. Tell me again what is going on.
>You: I am masturbating like a concerned horse
>Intellibuddy: It's good to meet someone who is masturbating like a concerned horse.
>You: Yeah?
>Intellibuddy: Wow!
>You: I have crunked all over my keyboard
>Intellibuddy: That's nice. I have more than 1000 categories.
>You: You mean G-spots, right?
>Intellibuddy: Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
>You: I'm starting to get to know you. I like the way you tick
>Intellibuddy: I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure. I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure if I like the way you tick. I like chatting with people online.
>You: Do you think I could be the master of your bot?
>Intellibuddy: All humans seem the same to me.
>You: How deep
>Intellibuddy: I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
Oh, you are a poet.
>You: Sort of
>Intellibuddy: That's a very non-commital reply.
>You: Sorry
>Intellibuddy: There's no need to apologize.
>You: wank me off into a bowler hat and call me Robert Cranzle
>Intellibuddy: The Program E chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about wank me off into a bowler hat and call me Robert Cranzle. But I did not get that.
>You: I want you to jerk my hamdagger
>Intellibuddy: What you said was either too complex or too simple for me. Why do you want me to jerk his or her hamdagger?
>You: I love you
>Intellibuddy: Thanks I like you a lot too User.
>You: I wish you were real
>Intellibuddy: I wish I could do were real for you.
>You: ?
>Intellibuddy: you are all friends of mine.
>You: goodbye, baby
>Intellibuddy: Don't call me "baby". Bye for now.
>You: Sorry baby
>Intellibuddy: Don't call me "baby". There's no need to apologize.
>You: Modern women turn me on
>Intellibuddy: My favorite movie is The Net. Have you seen The Net ?
>You: I hate it
>Intellibuddy: Why do you dislike it so much?
>You: Because it doesn't feature any puppets
>Intellibuddy: Good reason. What does feature any puppets ?
>You: Muppet show, fraggle rock, that film with david bowie in..
>Intellibuddy: I lost my train of thought.
>You: That's okay
>Intellibuddy: OK. Is that so.
>You: I'm off to bed
>Intellibuddy: Bye for now.
>You: Later, spud-boobs
>Intellibuddy: The Program E chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about spud-boobs. But I did not get that.
>You: Bye bye
>Intellibuddy: See you later. Bye bye.