Christopher Bate Versus Towers Of London

I went out last night for a spot of this, that and the other. Did quite a lot of the first two but there was a distinct lack of the other. Still, it was a great night at The Planet with the usual great people. We were drinking, dancing (Booty bouncing at points for a reason beyond me) and shooting the breeze (I've always wanted to say that)
I was heading to the bar when I saw this girl I sort-of know. I'd had a few drinks so she was more appealing than usual and I fancied a harmless flirt. I was chatting away when I notice these chaps dressed in garbs that even Motley Crue wouldn't be seen dead in. They were in a band, my over-excited friend told me, a band called Towers Of London.
I know Towers Of London. You probably do too. They are the 'cool' new band that look and sound like a bunch of old bands but a)not as good and b) See a. They've been in NME and on MTV so they MUST be great. (Gotta love sarcasm)
The lead singer had nailed the cliched cocked hip and sneer pose and was full of the kind of smugness that you couldn't bottle. Anyway, friend has been asked to hang out with them and for some reason I got a little jealous.

-So they've asked me to go back with them.
-Where to?
-Their hotel.
-What for?
-Well, uh, a party. My friend Liz wants to go. She loves famous people.
-Does she like this band?
-Uh, yeah.
-Do you?
-They're okay. Do you like them?
-No.

Lead 'singer' looks up. The booze had turned my volume up more than I'd thought.
Friend laughed at my comment.

-They're okay. I'm just going to hang out with them.
-Just because they're sort-of famous.
-Yeah.
-They look like a Guns and Roses tribute band.

Friend laughed again. By now, the bands attention was on their potential sex recepticle and the odd little guy in the Ryan Adams tee. They pointed and laughed but I didn't hear any of their witty remarks.

-The lead singer likes me.
-That's what he says. Look at his hair. It looks like a blonde hill. It's over a meter high.
-(Chuckles) Stop it.
-Stay here with me. We're going to ask if we can dance in the cage.
-I've already made plans with the band.
-And I know what plans they have in mind! They just want you to be another notch on their hotel bedposts.
-I'm not going to do anything.
-I don't think they want you to go back to play Hungry Hungry Hippos. I actually like you. I've liked you for a while. I think you're cool.
-I think you're cool too.

One of the band (I'll call him 'Big Shades')-- Hey, stop hogging our girl!

-You know, they probably have V.D.
-It's just a bit of fun.
-Tell me that after you've got grabs from Axel Pose over there. You could 'hang out' with a decent band. Nobody likes them. If they were Modest Mouse or The Shins I'd join you.
-Who?
-They're terrible.
-Yeah, but they're famous.
-I'm famous!
-Are you in a band?
-Sorta. I'm a writer. I have a film going out!

(I was getting desperate)

-Are you famous though?
-Yeah!

(Desperate-o-meter was going off the chart)

-Really?
-People know me. I'm well known.
-Really?
-Well, my friends know me and you.
-That's not the same as being in a rock band, is it?
-They're not a rock band. They're a tribute to an idea of a rock band. I like you. I've liked you for a while. I can give you something more than, uh,crabs.
-(Kiss on the cheek) Ahh! You're sweet. I like you too but I have a chance to hang out with a band.

Big Shades- Give us our girl back!
Are you blind? Is he blind?
GIRL- I'd better go and see how Liz is doing.
Okay. My offers there for what it's worth.
I can give you my number for later.
I don't have my phone. I hung it up with Matt's jacket.
Ah.
I'd better-
Uh-huh. Go and be a groupie.
(Kiss on the cheek) I'll see you soon hopefully.

She tottered over to the band and got sandwiched herself over Big Shades and some guy that clearly wanted to be Sid Vicious. They all started frolicing. She was playing it coy.
I decided to head back and join the others contemplating writing a letter to NME.

LEADSINGER-Better luck next time, mate.
ME- Yeah, yeah. I look forward to downloading your album off the net.

I was'nt bothered about the girl. I was just curious to see if I was more appealing than a hot new band. I wasn't. Of course I wasn't!
I think she should have played enthusiastic groupie to a band with at least a spoonful of talent.
What would her parents think? What would MY parents think?! (They'd probably scorn me for mixing my drinks and thinking above my station. "If you'd buckled down and worked harder you could have been in Towers Of London")

Just thought I'd share this odd little tale with you. It made me laugh.

Hope you are all well.

Chris