When I am a Rich Man...

When I become better off than I am now I am going to buy some things that I have always dreamed about. H once brought himself a nice top hat after coming into some money and I would like to use my money to finally get what I want.

A giant crab.

It has to be at least the size of a car with claws the size of children. I'm not sure if such a crab exsists but I will hire a team of top explorers to go and seek it out, capture it and bring it to my solid gold uber-cottage.

I will call him Crab C. Nesbitt. He will be my transport.

Picture this in your squishy thought boxes:

An oridnary day at Westfield 2: Super Big Edition (Still living with The Steve. I'm paying him)

-I'm going to the shops, everyone. Do you want anything?
-Razzle.
-Beer.
-Coconuts!
-Etc!
-Okay, I'll be back in a minute.
-It's a long trek, Bucky. Are you going to take the limo or the monster truck?
-It's okay I'LL TAKE THE CRAB!

THE CRAB! I'll ride the big bastard crab to the shops! I'll sit on his back on a big, comfy chair. It can carry the shopping in it's claws!
I'd avoid pesky traffic by STEPPING OVER IT! I'd laugh as I did it. Rich, mad people can laugh as much as they want.

-I've earned this crab, now back off!

I'd have to fix it's legs so it moved forwards, not sideways. A constant sideways motion is both pointless and annoying. I'd probably get sick but then I'd be so rich I'd pay someone to be sick for me.

I can't wait.