Boredom makes a great office for the devil...

Not a lot of you will be aware of this but I have an agent. He doesn't do all that much. He just manages my affairs when, and if, he is needed. He is grateful of any spare change I can give him. He knows that, of all his clients, I am the one that will make the least money or as he puts it a 'minor cult success'.
Sometimes, he looks for work for me. He thinks it will help gee me up and stop me pissing and moaning about my 9 to 5. The other day he emailed me about writing dialogue for a porn film. I replied that it would be a snap since porn scripts usually side-line the dialogue for severe rutting.
He said that the project was a more 'arty' venture and the director wanted some tender moments between the, uh, nudie prod. They were looking for scenes where the characters are interacting on a more cerebral level.
"They could talk about, I don't know, giant crabs or something. You like that sort of stuff. Use some of that."
He used a smilie at the end of that sentence in an attempt to soften the blow.
He gave me the director’s number and I called him up. I recorded the conversation just in case it all goes tits up and they decide to stiff me (Pun sort of intended). The chat went thus:

-Hi, is this Ivor Strongteeth?
-It is he.
-It's Christopher Bate. I believe you have spoken to my agent Daniel Jackson Jr, about supplying dialogue for your latest, as-yet-untitled project.
-Oh yes! Yes!
-Are you reading from the script right now?
-I'm sorry?
-I was just joking. Nevermind. So, how would you like this to go? Danny wasn't very clear on the details. He started to get excited about emoticons.
-Basically, I want some scenes where the stars just chat about random things. T.V, music…tennis.
-Tennis?
-For example. This will bridge the scenes where they create sex.
-Create sex?
-Uh-huh.
-(Pause) So, you just want getting-to-know-you type chit-chat.
-Yeah, so it adds a little depth to the film. I don't want people to think it's just about the-
-Sex?
-That's right. At its core, it's a tender love story that just happens to feature money shots, honey pots and one scene with a very large orgy.
-Right. Would you say the ratio shifts more towards the rutting?
-Well, 40/60.
-I think I can do that. It shouldn't be too hard to come up with something to bridge the,uh, sex creation.
-We're aiming to make something like '9 Songs' but without the chap from 'Cracker' and Franz Ferdinand.
-Righto. I'll get onto it right away and email it to you.
-Excellent. I look forward to reading it.

'The Lathering' is on Playboy TV September 12. The scene I wrote features the leads talking about bird tables in a cafeteria but you'll probably fast forward it to the massive orgy.