Various Concerns # 5 - The Various Concerns of an OLD ENGLISH PENNY

• Being a 'ye olde' form of currency.
• Left in an old, disused flat somewhere in London
• Being in London
• Being used by criminals to decide who lives or who dies
• Latin?
• Being put into a sock along with newer pennies to beat people who haven't paid the criminal mentioned in the previous concern
• People who go to tell you something and then decide not to. leaving you wanting for information that you know is pointless but now really need to know, if only for a sense of completion
• The phrase 'The penny's dropped' - That's racist to pennies
• 'Penny for your thoughts' is also pretty near the nose for the penny community. You talk that jive when there is a penny about and you'll be picking up your teeth with broken fingers. Trust me.
• The lack of 1p sweets. Seriously, THIS WAS ALL THEY HAD.
• That thin needle of steam from a freshly cooked pasty.
• Other coins
• Paper money
• Chip and Pin
• Debit cards
• Racism

Various Concerns # 4: The Various Concerns of a Cob Web

• Being left behind (cobwebs are ultimately vacated houses for spiders)
• Dusters (feather or otherwise)
• People not knowing what cobwebs are.
• Vacuum cleaners (see previous concern about dusters)
• Racism 

Bent Record

This is one of my favourite short films that has been made. Ryan and Kyle were always very special to me and they were created at a tough time in order to clear my head a little and make sense of growing up/not growing up. I hope I can give them something special, to fully round out the ID and Super Ego.

Young Stepladder of the Year

Richard Rowbotham and Biffon Films turned the recent 'Young Stepladder of the Year' into a thing with moving images and sound. It's fun.

VARIOUS CONCERNS # 3 - A WITCH

These are the various concerns of a Witch..

• Badly made broomsticks
• Crack in a gingerbread house
• No wifi in the same said house
• No Eye of Newt
• No Toe of Frog
• No Children to trick and then boil
• Water (depends on the Witch)
• Being misrepresented in 'The Blair Witch Project'
• Warts
• Lack of black cats
• Cauldron malfunction
• Lack of pointy hats
• Someone saying "Witchcraft? More like BITCHcraft!"
• Warts
• Someone saying "I've got 99 problems but a WITCH ain't one"
• Traffic wardens
• Bitch Bingo 
• The state of the Euro

Memories

Wesley Snipes Slippery Snakes

Hi, I'm iconic actor - slash - Blade portrayer Wesley Snipes and I have been given an outlet right here on THE CHRISTOPHER BATE PROPERLY GANDERED (That's not it, Wes. We'll edit that. Don't let me forget before I post it out - CB) and I'm well into snakes and shit. Like, crazy into snakes. If I had my way, that movie SNAKES ON A PLANE would be called SNAKES ON A PLANE? I LOVE IT and it would star yours truly as Blade.

I've been in Hollywood a long time and I've seen it all. You name it, I've seen it. Seriously, name something weird and I bet you I've seen it. Twice probably. I've lived a life, man. A life inside the big wheel of showbiz.

Anyway, I dig snakes. I like the way they slither (no diggity, I'd like to bag them up)  so I've made a list of snakes that I would like to add to my extensive snake collection.


GRASS SNAKE

This mother slithered is found in Merry Olde England. It's polite and doesn't have the will or the want to kill humans. It's mostly harmless and can be easily spotted by it's motion in the grass. It also wears a top hat and has bad teeth. I've been to England many times but I've never seen one. If you catch one, let me know as I would like to adder it to my collection (*Chris, can you make sure you keep the snake pun as I feel that will show that I have a sense of humour unlike my alleged behaviour during the filming of Blade 3: A Trinity of Blades)



ANACONDA

Nicki Minaj sang that she didn't want any of this fabulous creature (or maybe she did. and it was a metaphor for something) but I disagree. This is an amazing creature and one that would fit pride of place in my collection (of snakes) as it's really the DADDY of snakes. It can eat a bus. Or a Jon Voight (Like in that movie about a giant Anaconda whose name I forget) I would like to go nose-to-nose with one of these guys and pitch a movie about it. Starring Blade.



DEATH ADDER

So called because it has a penchant for 80's infused death metal. This scaley son of a bitch is feared because of its snidey nature. It won't so much attack you head on, it will work it's way up the chain of command and have you booted off the project. It is a lethal, untrustworthy thing, a lot like my agent who. let's be honest, is worse than Hitler. Or the Hitler Snake (I don't want that snake)

If you know of  how to obtain these snakes, let me know at wesleysnipes@blade.moneytrain.com

In the meantime, you can see me live on stage in 'Waiting for Godot'

As Blade.