Sunday, March 30, 2008

Rise of the Machines (Warranty Permitting...error...Cannot Read Disc)

I'm never wasting money on machines again. Last weeks impulse buy crapped out a little over a week after we brought it.

I'm annoyed that such an amazing new machine can be so shitty. I used to play games loaded from cassettes with less gliches and faults than the Xbox 360. I was trying to get into video games and embrace something supposedly 'cool' but what I wasted my cash on was a glorified white doorstop.

I wish I could do this:


It looks like Johnny Five's face but is 96% less entertaining.

Thanks, Microsoft for selling me yet another inferior, over-priced shoddy product. If you brought a luxury hammock with the money I paid the XBollocx 360, Mr Gates, I hope you have either a) a shitty relax on it or b) A gust of wind flings you into the sea.

The future is yesterday.


Thursday, March 27, 2008

The Holes In My Pockets

I checked my bank account today and I recoiled in terror. I spend too much last weekend and this weekend it's rent day. Yah-Boo-Sucks
I have very little coins to do anything. No rupees or mega credits to get drunk on. How will I cope? Well, I'm not dependent on booze but I can't be the only sober mule in the stable of joy.
Had I known that my single situation in 2005 would transform into a loved up, let's-build-a-future one, I would have saved, saved, saved. I didn't know I was going to go somewhere in life so I never really thought about tomorrow. It was fun and I regret nothing. I just wish i'd been a tad smarter with money or knuckled down into a decent job...bypassing the shit holes I've slithered through. Like I say, money was never an issue. Still isn't to a degree. I just wish I could treat my girl and travel more.
I would cry but I'm going to sell my tear ducts.

Ah, could be worse. Look on the bright side. I've been doing that a lot lately. I blame the over-the-counter happy drugs.

Any rich (er) folk reading this, treat your butler nice.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Easter Long Freakend

I had a great easter, a mix of hearty rocking and lovely resting. Thursday and Friday were the rocking days, dedicated to that familiar art of drinking and dancing. Thursday was ROOOCKK at The Planet, grooving (on stage, no less) to old metal, new metal, lost treasures and writing Alan Partridge quotes on the sweaty, moist walls of that gloriously unglorified warehouse that passes for a club.
Friday, we checked out some local bands and went to their aftershow shindig. It was a lovely blur.
I recommend Kid Captain and Bridge 55 to you. Musical cookies to be enjoyed.
Saturday, Kylie and I went shopping. I had intended to pick up some new jeans and a mop but we ended up buying an Xbox 360. We've been killing zombies (Dead Rising) and Magic Making (Elder Scrolls: Oblivion) ever since. Between that there has been a spring clean, some sondtrack work for the film I'm working on and some watching early Steve Martin flicks. Steve Martin is a hero of mine but his comedy stock is fallen in recent years. Give me 'Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid' over 'Bringing Down The House' any day (but that's a given)
I've seen this bright yellow bass at the music store across the street from us. My friend hates it but I think it's not without it's charms. Yellow has always been my favourite colour. I'll buy it and name it Geddy Gordan, in honour of two, faaaaaaar superior bass players.


Kylie and I may form a travelling band. A band that travels by bus.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

BEANS


Wow. Do you think that Heather Mills-McMoneygrabber will be okay? I'm worried about her because she doesn't seem to have a lot of cash, just a few million and change. I feel like I need to send her a tenner or something just so she can get a sausage roll or a scotch egg.


She'll be okay. She'll just have to learn how to stand on her own two-


-Almost. Gah. There goes the 'egg and spoon' race was going to plan.


I'm feeling a lot better even though I had some mildly disheartening news. It didn't bother me too much. In fact, it didn't bother me at all. This is a new feeling which I hope lasts. It may, of course, have something to do with the St J.W or the love.


Easter Freakend is around the corner so tomorrow is technically a friday. Yus!


We shall celebrate this with broths, c-tails, merriment a picture of a big chicken eating a kid:






I have a film-based blog but I lost it. Find it and you can read it.
Some MUSTS (As in "Oh, you must try this..it's divine!"):
- Green Relentless
- Lightning Dust
- The Sound of Young America
- Threadless
- Hot Jiverery and Jiggery Pokery.
I am so full of beans today.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Hair Blair Bunch/'Giddy Metrosexual Dipshit'

I'm a little tired of my tired image and I feel the need to change. I'm going to start by shaving my crappy hair. The reason for this is because I'm desperate for a hair cut and my town doesn't open past 5 and that's time I finish work. So sick am i of this progressively Hugh Grant, circa 'Four Weddings' curtain do that i need to rid myself of it in a Britney way.
I'm going to change a lot of things. I've been doing some serious thinking lately about who needs to be done. My restless side has kicked in and, if I were a much braver person, I would go into it more deeply. Since I'm a coward, I'm going to keep it all in my head and toss it around like a salad or a bad pancake.
When life gets you down sometimes you just need to shave you head and bid farewell to your bangs. I was thinking that perhaps I should start being a tad more of a man about things. I keep trying to do this, to 'man up', but I always go back to the 'giddy metrosexual dip shit' style.
Actually, that would be a great band name.


Everything points to it being d o w n e r time!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Sperm For Tickets?

http://www.nme.com/news/festival/35078



If I put the work in, I could probably still get to Glastonbury!



Imagine the T-Shirts: "I stroked my way to Reading 2008, V, Summer Sundae...'


And a meme, a thing I haven't done for ages, that I stole from Dan


When I was a child I wanted to be...

A cartoonist or a Ghostbuster. I quickly realised that I have no artistic talent and that I'm a massive coward.

The moment that changed me for ever...
Kylie's random email changed everything, cheesy as it sounds. Before then I was floundering wildly and not that fussed about making it past 30. I'm not saying that I needed love to cure me because I had it in various, mostly platonic forms. It's just that Kylie helped me to reset the clocks and have a proper 'first love'. We ended up moving in together quicker than I ever thought possible and good things have happened over and over. That myspace mail set off a chain of lovely events.


My greatest inspiration...

I have many. My Dad is a strong candidate because he's creative, he gets me and he entertains people. I have thing neverending addiction to making him proud of me.

My real-life villain...
I usually either crush my foes or shrug them off. If you didn't face villains now and then, you wouldn't know your heroes. I'm surrounded by mine.


If I could change one thing about myself...
I would try to curb my 'downers'. They're just unfair.


At night I dream of...
Oddness and zombies.


What I see when I look in the mirror...
I either want to cry or hug myself. It depends.


My style icon...
Nicky Wire, maybe? A dash of Ryan Adams perhaps. I'm a punky geek.


My favourite item of clothing...
My Jaws t-shirt is my new favourite. I'm in the process of revamping my wardrobe. I used 'revamp' to make it sound more glamourous than it is.


I wish I'd never worn...
All those jumpers and sweaters when I was in my early twenties. I was like a frumpy old man. I also had shit hair..so freaking generic.


It's not fashionable but I like...

Slippers. I don't know what I'd do without them.

You wouldn't know it but I'm very good at...

Writing?
You may not know it but I'm no good at...


Writing?

All my money goes on...
trinkets, books, music, gigs, energy drinks, travel, fancy pants..


If I have time to myself...
I write, listen to Sigur Ros and play Smackdown.


I drive/ride...
A good pair of sturdy legs. I had no other answer for this.


My house/flat is...
Geeky cool. A mixture of girly man and shiney girly.


My most valuable possession is...
My lamb I've had since I was born.


My favourite building...
The Little Civic? I love that place.


Movie heaven...
Woody Allen, Rocky Horror, early Kevin Smith (But not at the same time as that would be hideous)


A book that changed me...
'Join Me' made me want to be more impulsive.


My favourite work of art...
I see so many cool things that I can't think of just one. It's probably nothing fancy.


The last album I bought/downloaded...
The She and Him record.


The person who really makes me laugh...
Lots of people make me laugh. Kylie makes me laugh the most because I see her crazy ass everyday.


The shop I can't walk past...
rowfers.


The best invention ever...
the laptop?


In ten years time, I hope to be...
More actively creative and not stuck in the grind. I hate the grind.


My greatest regret...
I have a few. All pointless now. You can't go back, can you? Sweet and Sour and all that.


My life in seven words...
Kapow!
Whoosh!
Wow!
What the-?
:) / :(
Cosy
Creative

Monday, March 10, 2008

Weekend Like WHOA...

This:

Xtra @ C4, drank too much wine, vodka and bad stuff, post-club meet up with G.H 3, brought a t-shirt online whilst drunk, blur (not the band). I'm such a guilty drunk. I'm not a huge fan of booze and I don't pace myself. I don't even need to drink so I don't know why I do it. I just hate being left out. If you can't beat 'em...

That:

Woke up insanely early on Saturday, saw the folks and baby sat my niece and nephew partly because I haven't seen them for a while and because I wanted to help out my Sister and Brother-In-Law and be more of an Uncle. We ate sweets, played some games and did some party dances. Kylie was visiting her folks in leicester and, when she came home, she brought a copy of Guitar Hero 2 with her. Magic. We played that through, eager to unlock the songs and get to the Rush and Dio tracks. I'm not fantastically skilled at Hero but I do find them fun and relaxing. I hardly venture above medium because the intensity of the harder levels causes me to just stand and stare at the screen, locked in a trance. I like to get into it and move around. I also like to jump off the coffee table, power slide and do that thing that Fall Out Boy sometimes do (That motion where they swing the guitar around their back)

The Other:

Another early morning. I headed to Lichfield to meet Director Shaun and see the location for the film we're shooting in 5 weeks time. It looks great and we sorted through a number of things whilst having a coffee. Shaun is a quick worker and totally into the process. It's nice to work with someone that dedicated to the craft. The rest of the day was a lazy blur that wouldn't be worth recording. Not because it was bad, far from it, it's just that I'm really tired today and writing about lazying around with Kylie makes me a) yearn and b) even more tired.

Friday, March 07, 2008

PARKING SPACE BLUES

Some person keeps parking in our alloted car park space at home. This isn't that big a deal as K.P and I don't drive or own a car BUT it's proving to be rather annoying when we have guests over for shennanigans. The same person keeps parking in our space and he/she must think that he/she is onto a winner. After a few days of this, we decided a note maybe in order. People seem to do that in our block and it seems to work. Maybe a gentle nudge will cause the guilty party park elsewhere.
I have never done anything like this before but, apart from literally waiting at the spot for him/her to get to their car, the least we can do is leave a nice, but stern, memo. This consumed me with more worry than usual.
We drafted a bunch of letters like we were working on 'Good Will Hunting 2' or a bill of rights. Kylie wrote the thing because her writing is nicer and less offensive than mine. We weren't trying to be too harsh like some folk. We wanted to be nice but not too nice. I even got Kylie to add a smiley to make things more cheerful. Maybe we should have drawn a cartoon penis to try and lighten things up. I have the feeling that him/her will be dismissive and we'll lose a really petty battle of non-wits. I keep worrying that the person might be a lunatic and that we might find the note nailed to our apartment door, smeared in blood. Of course, there is every chance that him/her might be nice and decent about it all. I always see the worst in people I don't know.
If it fails, I'm going to feel bullied in the most ridiculous way and my guests are going to have to park elsewhere (the parking at our block is pretty crappy), possibly annoying someone else and setting off a chain of parking inconvenience. I'm happy to share the spot because we don't have a car. We just need the thing at weekends. This is like Kramer Vs Kramer but we're arguing over a parking space, not a kid.
What would you do? What CAN be done? Oh, the humanity!

Thursday, March 06, 2008

NO CLEAN UNDERPANTS

I'm having one of those 'There aren't any clean underpants left so I'm wearing a pair of my girlfriends' days.

I'm having an odd week; a mixture of ups, exciting yay moments and some downers. I don't sleep very well most days but, after reading about a faraway friend of mine, I slept far less. Thankfully, they're Galvatron tough. I latch onto people and some of them I haven't met..yet. That's the staggering power of social networking and star characters.

Kylie found out last night that you could get free entry to a new sea life centre if you had a 'fishy' name. Well, I'm Bate...Bait...so, I figured we'd be set. It didn't work (The place was too faraway) but I've never seen K.P so excited. She had this really cute 'HUZZAH!' moment and skipped to the computer, armed with my stupid last name to help with freebies. Like I say, it didn't work but her glee really made me laugh and all 'bloody hell, I'm a lucky bugger!'. You really had to be there.


Thanks, Dan for the CD. It's very, very good. It will soundtrack future gatherings at the apartment.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Hooray Post

I would blog about how the film is going but I can't. I really want to because a) I'm flipping excited, b) It means a lot to me and c) I need to meet with the director and chat before I blurt it out to anyone and everyone. These are some lovely wheels that are in motion. Plus, the weather is pleasant so it's looking good.

Yay!

Monday, March 03, 2008

A London Thing...

This weekend, myself, K.P and the family ventured into the big city to celebrate Kylie's Dad's retirement. It was a tiring (in a good way), jam packed couple of days which saw us visit most of the tourist hot spots, drink in some trendy bars, meet up with a fine friend of ours (Mr Dan Hollingsworth) and club it up in Camden at the very cool Worlds End bar and it's downstairs indie rock dive called, suitably, 'Underworld'.
So tired am I that I'm going to have use bullet points. There are they...


SATURDAY

- We got into Kings Cross at 9:15am. 9:15!! Nice and early. We had lots to see and we walked around everywhere, avoiding the tube for the most part and making good use of our legs. My legs are super powerful because of the mileage they strided. Seriously, my thighs could crush crystal.

- Kylie realised that she'd left her glasses in Leciester so there needed to be a trip to Vision Express. While she and her Dad sorted that out, Adam and I went to the big Virgin Megastore which is now called Zavvi (It sounds like a posh smoothie) where he picked up some albums and I brought a Jaws t-shirt. I had to get a small which was enough. I wanted to say to the clerk "We're gonna need a bigger size!", Brodie-style but I thought it best to just pay without any pop-culture quippage. On the way out, a Buddist monk stopped us and chatted to us about stuff
- Kylie picked up some new glasses that looked ace. I've always a thing for girls in glasses, more so if they're those slightly thick rimmed kind. Needless to say, she looks hot in them. I don't share my appreciation for Kylie with the world (i.e the four people that read my piffle) that often but she is a pretty, pretty thing and my average features just sort of lull around next to her.


- We had a couple of drinks in The Woodstock, The Ben Crouch Inn and an Irish Bar. Between bar trips we crossed the Millenium Bridge, went on a boat across the thames and went to the Tate Modern which was mostly cobblers to be honest. I'm glad I went just to say I've been and seen it but modern art isn't really for me. It's full of chin-stroking people that see way too much in too little. I got told off for using my camera. I think it's because they don't want anything given away or the bubble burst for people who think that the Tate Modern has art worth seeing.
If you want to see paint splattered on paper, give a paint brush to your kids, nieces/nephews etc and they can recreate the Tate and less pretentious, joyous affair. The Shakesphere place is next door..


- Later on, after more sight-seeing, we headed to Camden for more beery frolics. We went to Worlds End which is a huge, rad place. We were going to head ro The Barfly but we went to Underworld next door/underneath Worlds End. It was a decent place but it was oddly pricey and the dance floor REEKED of body odour. It was so bad that I couldn't dance there. It was just too much sweat. Adam, a man of stronger stuff, braved it and joined the fray. We hung near the side, bobbing, singing and occasionally high-fiving a chap that was keen for high-fives off everyone. He looked like my old friend Dominic T. I saw a lot of clones in London. I saw about seven versions of Kylie's Dad, two versions of my frind Lindsay and a guy who looked like Simon Pegg.

- We grabbed a cab and headed back to Kings Cross where Adam engaged in hearty, laddy banter with the driver about football. We tucked into a Subway opposite our hotel which was much needed. I'm borderline addicted to their Veggie Delight.

SUNDAY

- We got up, packed and I got mildly enraged by the 'Prince Harry Goes To War' coverage. Fucking guy made war sound like a fun holiday and the footage of him 'serving' was so staged that it may have been filmed at Ealing Studios. He's checking houses and barns with a quick glance meaning that someone had already secured the area and all he had to do was just walk with a gun, carefully avoiding the camera lead and boom mike. I don't want to go to hostile places because I'm a massive coward but if I HAD to, I wouldn't be on T.V talking about how great it all is. If he'd have gone on T.V and said: "It's a nightmare. It's a pointless, questionable mission and everyone should just go home like me" Nah, it's like Butlins to that motherfucker.
Still, it feeds the fancy of flag-waving royalists who call him a hero.


- We went to the big Museum and saw some cool, old stuff. The Rosetta Stone which I only really know from Double Dragon 3. I enjoyed walking around there. It was far better than the Tate.

- Kylie and I went off to meet Dan and we went to Hamleys (A big toyshop), ate at Pizza Hut, went to Forbidden Planet and shopped at Fopp. Dan is a good chap and a self-confessed geek (Which is by no means a bad thing). It's cool to hang out with someone who actually WANTS to shop for comics and isn't reluctantly dragged into such places by yours truly. Dan is 'good people' as some folks sometimes say. I saw a 'Complete Deaths Head' book which I wanted to buy BUT, had I started buying stuff at Forbidden, it would have been too hard to stop. I didn't want to overload my bag which already had a shit load of stuff crammed into it. I made a note to get it online. I love having things delivered.

- We walked around some more and caught the trains home at 7. It was a long trip, delayed by the usual rail errors but mostly easy going. We pretty much crashed when we got home. I was tired but also energised by the weekend. I wish my life could be that jam packed all the time, It's broken up by work, commitments and early nights. If I had my way, I wouldn't stop at all. That's another post for another time.

- Thanks to everyone for the fun times and to Kylie's Dad for arranging the adventure and paying for pretty much everything. It was a great weekend for sure.

- The bullet points were supposed to make this brief. They failed.


Aloofus, Aloofus...

So, it’s 2018. I’m staring down the barrel of my 40’s but with the same goofy mindset I honed in my 20’s. Mentally, it doesn’t feel as bad a...