Sing Song Saturday: 'Snowman' (For Maja)

Snowman - Smoke & Mirrors

The Limited Window

If you read this blog a lot you’ll know that one of my biggest flaws is my attitude to women and relationships (or rather my spectacular failings with them) I’ve been trying to figure out where I’m going wrong and, thanks to a job that involves a lot of sitting down and not much else, I think I’m finally starting to understand where I’m going wrong with all that stuff.

I have a limited window.

The Limited Window is something that comes into play with any potential romantic partners. Lately, this particular vetting process has become stranger and stricter and my boredom threshold has decreased meaning that if I don’t hit it off with someone RIGHT away (NOTE: Appearances aren’t that important, music taste etc is) then I’ll make good my escape pretty sharpish...sometimes through bathroom windows...

There is no point, in my fuddled, messed up mind at least, wasting too long with someone if the feeling isn’t just so. I don’t want to meet a ‘safe bet’ and then have them freak out a year or so later.

Life is too damn short to waste on lunatics. I wasted almost 5 years on someone who, well, blah, blah, wah, wah..

..I’m writing this rambling entry because lately I’ve had random people questioning my happiness because I’m not with someone. It genuinely freaks people out.

HOW CAN IT BE SO? WHY? WHY?

These people are usually in smug, boring relationships and they view all single guys and girls as freaks. These are the folks who, in most cases, have clearly picked someone out of a hat simply because ‘they’ll do’ and they don’t have much else going on.
That’s crazy to me. Romance shouldn’t be about settling for the first person that comes along and agrees with you, should it?

I don’t have any good relationships (in the real world at least) to look up to. Everyone I know seems to have become boring and one-dimensional with little time for friends, family or anyone they’re not sleeping with. I don’t want that. I want someone who I can take risks with, party with, some sweet somebody who can match me shot-for-shot at the bar and stay up to watch really bad movies, listen to good music and make up stories with me (or listen to my stories).
I want someone who can shake me sometimes and tell me when I'm being a dick or tell me when I've really done a good job...all that stuff.
It doesn’t seem a lot to ask but, until that person comes rolling into my odd ball exsistence, then I’m happy to drift along as a single guy. I have my friends. I’m not alone.

What’s to be unhappy about?

Do you know what I mean? Is it just me who warrants such concern from people? Who simply doesn’t want to settle for less when someone amazing could be out there?

The Limited Window makes it difficult, and nigh-on impossible, for 'settling'. It makes me seem shallow to most and scared to the rest. Maybe they're BOTH right.

But hey, I'm learning...

Examples are thus:

Oh, and playing hard to get with someone you barely know via text message doesn't work. If I don't know you how the hell am I supposed to know what the situation is? To me it just seems rude if people don't respond within a couple of hours. This is WHY we have modern technology, so things can advance quicker. If you dig someone you don't take a million years to respond to their very simple questions. It just seems like you couldn't give a shit and it makes me feel like I'm bothering someone ("Oh, that odd-looking fuck has text me again")

I don't chase people. That's not me. I need a big, bright sign that people like me because I'll never believe it otherwise..

In other news: A SCREETCH SEX TAPE?! The one thing more unappealing than a Christopher Bate one! I wonder if he does the faces and the geeky noises...

Jurassic 5 were awesome, just awesome.

Myself, Blair, Adam, David J and Mans had a great time, all bobbing and hand gestures hip-hop style. To make things that little bit cooler, we even stood near the legend that is Chali 2na before he went on stage. I've never been to a more unified, chilled out party (Because it was more a party than a gig) before and I highly, highly recommend catching them if they play your way.

Peace.

Bang Off

This weekend I foolishly let an old friend go; someone that had brought me great joy and happiness. I'm talking, of course, about my hair. I'm now (not) rocking a short and shitty 'do.

No bangs and no bounce.

It needed to be done and I needed the change but I regret it now for many reasons..
..My 'Boss' likes it saying that I "look my age for a change" (Is there a template for a standard 26 year old?) and that maybe with the new do I'll be "more responsible" (Answers on a postcard for this one..)

..Blair said that I looked like "Christopher Bate V.1" i.e the person I was when we first met (I was still lashed to Little Miss Hitler at that point). That instantly brought me down.

I might not go out until it's long enough to cut, style and colour.

That said, there's the Jurassic 5 gig tonight, The Canal Club tommorow, London/Ryan Adams a few days after that.

On another note, I was stalked by a spider last night. No joke. He was in my room so I opted to chicken out and sleep in my housemates room (He's away) The little bugger had followed me in. I then went back to my room and, some hours later, there he was again!

I decided to cut my loses and sleep on the sofa. Although, I was concerned that he would turn up there too. Maybe with friends..and a camera.

I know what you're thinking: "Why didn't you get rid of it?" It's not that simple. I'm scared of big spiders and everytime I try and 'take them down' something stupid happens. Some may recall my attempts to get rid of the last eight-legged intruder. I tried to swat him with a picture frame and ended up showering myself and my bed in glass.

I'm off to the wig shop. I wonder if they have any 'Motley Crue' wigs in stock.

Cardinicity

Ryan Adams. Personal Hero.

(Picture by Jon Graboff)

Great show but halted after the idiot faction of the crowd kept shouting stupid crap during the piano stuff. This caused him to up and leave like he was being chased by a ghost. Shame. It was mind-blowing until then.


Breakdown Into the Resolve
Blue Hotel
Goodnight Rose
Please Do Not Let Me Go
Magnolia Mountain
Mockingbird
Easy Plateau
Cold Roses
Bartering Lines
Tears of Gold
Beautiful Sorta
Let It Ride The End (Aborted)
Shakedown on 9th Street
Games
Peaceful Valley

Encore: Elizabeth, You Were Born To Play The Part
Everything Dies (Stormed off)

Fans details from the .Org

(Amy, you're done. See ya)

Ryan Adams tonight. I'm pretty damn giddy.

Oh, and go see Clerks 2. It rules. Seriously.

LIVED IN BARS AND WOKE UP IN ARM CHAIRS

Well hello!

How are you all? Are you having good freakends?

(Tick one with a non permanent marker)

YES

NO

BOTH

Friday has been my favourite so far. I went out to see a band called LMNOP at The Wharf with Aaron and his lovely lady, Anna. I had, as people used to say in the Ye Olde days, a spiffing time. The band was good; all weirdness with added trumpets. There were a lot of songs about spiders and one of the members looked like Steve Irwin (When he was alive obviously)
Aaron and I were invited on stage for the final song and we danced and played whatever we could find. I 'played' a pint glass with all the emotion of a giddy Hendrix. I also cut off one of the guitarists by stepping on an important lead. In the chaos of pint-glass playing, shimmying and high-fiving, no one noticed. The knock on effect of this stage (non) invasion was that the managers pulled the plug after the set went over by a whopping 20 seconds. Some people, huh?

We went outside after and we all had a big chat and a bond by the water. Aaron tried to talk me up to anyone that would listen about the whole writing thing. He used it to try and impress a girl that was with us who looked a hell of a lot like Lilly 'Daughter of Keith' Allen. She misheard and thought he said something else, and thus, my career as a porn star was born.
After a while I didn't know if people were joking or not. I went along with it anyway, inventing a tidy biography and seedy career in 'Awkward Adult' entertainment. It helped to endure me to the huge group of people whose house I was crashing at.
Aaron, Anna, 'Lilly Allen' and the trumpet player went off to look for clubs. We ended up in a dance club, drinking Jeigermiester from a test tube. Sadly, the booze didn't make the music any better so we left to get food and shelter.

Back at the bands house (Which looked like something out of DiG) we had some tea, chatted and shot things with a Nerf gun. I sat with it on my lap (After shooting Aaron in the forehead) to 'ward off any ghosts' (I'm an illogical drunk)

We slept for a few hours and we headed back to Wolverhamton where I met my brother (Are you still with me?) and I went to my favourite trinket shop and brought some bracelets, a skull and cross bones hat and a cool, cheap t-shirt (that ripped when I got home)

We went to Blast Off on the evening. It wasn't all that great but it was nice to see folks again. Girl didn't turn up. *Shrugs*

I'm off to see Clerks 2.

I hope you are all well.

Chris

Sing Song Saturday: 'Meeow!'

My cat Jinx has few directives in her hairy little life but they all seem to involve attacking me and biting my toes at every opportunity.

That and bumping into things. She does that a lot, the random little bugger.

I'm going to get so freaky this weekend. I'm going to see a band on Friday with my former housemate, Aaron. That'll be nuts. It always is with that guy.

The day after will be trinket shopping and a haircut (+ New colour). Then boozy fun.

Ryan Adams on Monday to add icing to the big bun of fun.

Gotta enjoy it because I'm going to be pretty busy in about two weeks time ;) and, because of this, I'm going to have to take 'Simplicity' off Simply Scripts for the time being.

Wow, another rather shallow, random and incredibly self-absorbed post from me...

Sorry..

Pirately goodness IN A SHIRT!

Eat a peach,

Chris

I'm no corporate stooge...

It may no surprise any of you to hear this, but I'm not what you would call the 'corporate type'. My 9 to 5 is merely a means to an end and this particular 'end' is simply to keep a roof over my head and fund various freakend adventures. I ask for nothing in my crappy office job and I give little in return. It's a fair deal really; I turn up, log on and I do what they need me to do for the duration of my shift. I do it purely for the money and I make no bones about it. In a twisted way, I'm an almost ideal employee. I get on, socialize with my friends and make everyone’s day a little easier. I can't lie that I don't road test 'material' and harvest ideas during the work day. I do. I always have and, if fate doesn't throw me a break, always will.

I can never be 'my job' unless my job is writing. To me, that IS my job. The pay isn't as forthcoming but the kudos and smiles keep me in good stead and, in many cases, out of a coffin. I can never be the guy who bleats so enthusiastically about figures, market shares and all that shit. I can't get excited about something that I didn't help to create. If I ever get the chance to work on a film full time (And that may happen in the near future, fingers crossed) I will work in every area; doing anything and everything that is needed of me. I will work my increasingly tight ass off and more besides. I just can't get turned on by ordinary office work. I'll play along but I won't sweat blood over it. It's not my thing. Today, this ethic became clear when I realized that my managers don't like me very much. I sat in a meeting and endured a few pot shots from the sour-faced, shrug that laughably calls herself my superior. This is nothing new. I've noticed a common trend of Chris-bashing in recent weeks mostly because I have this urge to speak out when they try and break down other employees and force another bullshit procedure upon those whose lives depend on their job.

I'm no Michael Moore (Again, I point to my ass) but I'm not going to stand by and watch them bully a bunch of decent people just because they earn more a bit more money. Money cannot buy character or class. Look at Lindsey Lohan or Britney. Fuck, look at Ozzy Osbourne. So, I'm probably disliked for this and that's why I get the odd, unwitty comment thrown my way. This is fine sometimes. I let them have their licks because I know this is all they have. The only thing they're ever be known for is being a 'decent office worker' where as one of 'their' under-valued lackeys probably plays bass in some awesome band and another is a swish comedian waiting for their break (I know these people).
They will never know creativity because they killed any aspect of it when they knelt down and swallowed their 'opportunity' all those years ago. (You KNOW that happens.) Anyway, this tool of tedium runs through the blah, blah, blah and announces she is leaving. Her final potshot came when she tacked on 'I'm sure Christopher will be more than happy to see me go' (I'm paraphrasing, she's not the best public speaker) Everyone turns to me and I lean back on my chair and shrug. I respond with a simple 'I'm indifferent to whatever you do' Okay, so it wasn't Bill Hicks but it did the trick and it was truthful. I don't care.

I CARE what Woody Allen is up to, I CARE about my favourite bands next record, I CARE about what my friends, online and off, are up to, I CARE about a lot of things, trivial things, I don't care about someone that I don't respect. You can't make me. I'm not a mean guy. I like my colleagues, they keep me sane when alls too much. I like them so much that I want them to quit and do something less soul-sapping. I'll quit too. I'm driven by something else. Success or failure, it's a lot better than being a 'yes man'

Another DAMN MEME!

ARE YOU:

1. A Cuddler?
Yes

2. A morning person?
Mostly yes. I prefer if there has been a wild night before hand.

3. Are you a perfectionist?
Not as much as I should be.

4. An only child?
No. I'm one of three. I have a younger brother and sister.

5. Catholic:
I couldn't handle the guilt.

6. In your pajamas?
I'm wearing P.J bottoms and a Wilco t-shirt. Steady, Ladies (Or men)!

7. Currently suffering from a broken heart?
Not at the moment. Ask me again in a year or so.

8. Okay styling other people's hair?
I can't handle that level of power. "Do unto others.. etc"

9. Left handed?
On this occasion I'm right.

10. Addicted to MySpace?
Not really. My only real addictions are writing and pro-plus.

11. Shy around the opposite gender?
Terribly. It's one of my major weaknesses.

12. Loud?
I can be. It depends how full of beans I am (For beans read Caffeine)

DO YOU:

12. Bite your nails?
No. I bite other peoples. Sometimes it's not even their nails.

13. Get paranoid at times?
Of course. I'm paranoid now. People might be sick of my MEME posts.

14. Currently regret something that you have said/done?
Not currently. This could change at any point.

15. Curse frequently when you get mad?
I just make strange noises.

16. Enjoy country music?
Not the 'I've got a tractor and I'm-a goin' to a ho-down!' type country. I prefer country rock: Trailer Bride, Wilco, Ryan Adams, Okkervil River etc

17. Enjoy jazz music?
I like a toot now and then. I was listening to some jazz with my Dad earlier today.

18. Enjoy smoothies?
Very much so. I find them filling.

19. Enjoy talking on the phone?
No. I avoid the phone whenever possible. I tend to ramble.

20. Have a lot to learn?
About women, yes. I love learning. Who will teach me? More to the point, who has the patience?

21. Have a pet?
A cat called Jinx and a sock monkey called Lester P. Mason (If you don't think a sock monkey counts as a pet, Corinna may fight you)

22. Have a tendency to fall for the "wrong" person?
Hell yeah...and stay with the fucker too long. I'm learning though. I kind of dig the fact that I'm a bit shit with that sort of thing. Odd, no?

23. Have all your grandparents died?
I have three out of four. My Grandfather passed away last new years. He was a swish guy and much missed. He used to spin some sweet, surreal yarns.

24. Have at least one sibling?
I have two. They are both more sensible and grounded than I am.

25. Have been told that you are smart?
I've been told that I'm creative but no one has ever said 'You're smart'

26. Have had a broken bone?
No.

27. Have Caller I.D. on your phone?
You have to in this day and age. You can avoid the unwanted callers.


HAVE YOU:

28. Changed a diaper?
No, but I'm going to have to at some point. I've been looking after my niece and my sister thinks that it maybe a good time to learn. Although, after the incident with the potty today, she may be thinking otherwise.

29. Changed alot over the past year?
I've changed a lot over the last 18 months or so. Before that I was a blank canvas with a nothing life. I'm fine-tuning things these days.

30. Had friends who have never seen your natural hair color?
All my friends know I'm living a lie. It's been a long time since I've been natural.

31. Had surgery?
No. I've been tested on...

32. Killed anyone?
What kind of freaked out meme is this? Of course not. The only person I'd ever kill is myself and that's not going to happen just yet.

33. had your haircut within the last week?
I need a haircut....



See?

LAST PERSON WHO:

1. Slept in the bed beside you?
No one. I've been spreading out like a star-fish for quite some time.

2. Saw you cry?:
One of my best friends.

3. Went to the movies with you?
My brother Nick and Stephanie.

4. You went to the mall with?:
Truman. He wanted to buy some clothes and I wanted to buy more outlandish socks. We both came away empty handed.

5. You went to dinner with?
H's.

6. You talked to on the phone?
My housemate Mark.

7. Said 'I love you' to you and meant it?
Today to my Dad.

8. Broke your heart?
Ages ago. It's all pretty boring now.

9. Made you laugh?
H and Lan whilst watching '50 Most Bitchy Moments'

WOULD YOU RATHER?

1. Pierce your nose or tongue?
Nose

2. Be serious or be funny?
Funny. I'm addicted to making people laugh. Sadly, it doesn't happen all the time.

3. Drink whole or skim milk?
Whole

4. Die in a fire or drown?
I'd like to get eaten by a shark. I want to give something back.

5. Spend time with your parents or enemies?
Parents. I don't have any enemies because life is too short for that stuff. I have people I'd rather not see again and my parents have people they'd rather me not see again. My Dad and I talk about music and writing so it's always good to be around him. My Mom fusses and tells me to 'work less, write more' (The exact opposite of what she used to say) and to avoid 'wrong women'.

ABOUT YOU!

1. What time is it?
Either too late or too early. You decide..

2. Name?
Christopher Bate

3. Nickname(s)?
C-Bizzle, Vorpal Spaz Kendall, Baron Salad-Back, Funkster (Thanks Aaron) and Prison Bitch (Thanks, Dominic)

4. Where were you born?
Wordsley

5. What is your birthdate?
December 14th 1979

6. What do you want?
To write more films.

7. Where do you want to live?
Hamburg. Canada. La-La Land

8. How many kids do you want?
0. I'm happy being an Uncle.

Tobias, you blowhard!

This is your Saturday cheer up courtesy of the fantastic show 'Arrested Development'. I can only hope to write something half this funny.

Yay For Updates (On the 'who cares' blog)

Oh, what a week it's been and it is due to this crazy activity that his blog has been uncharacteristically neglected. For those that give a couple of hoots, I'm sorry.

I have to admit that if the Blogs on the right don't get updated that often I tend to freak out a little.

"I want to know what people had for breakfast! What's Ben Baker up to? Does Si still stir his beverages with a pen? What song is Stephanie listening to today? What has Dan been watching? etc etc"

I'm a Blogger addict and a people watcher (Although, it has to be said, not in the sinister sense)

Anyway, things have been strange these past few weeks: I started seeing a girl who snuck up and completely blindsided me whilst on a night out in Wolverhampton last Thursday.
She seems pretty nice and we click.
However, my shy nature and poor relationship skills (I either tend to say too much or way too little) have yet to come into play and ruin things.
Oddly enough, her friends attended the DRTN screening in Feb so they are aware of me.

It's a small world, isn't it?

She put herself in good stead by getting rid of a large spider for me. Who knows what's going to happen next? Dating isn't my most skilled area so I'm out of my depth before I begin.
Anyone who has ever seen the Woody Allen film 'Play It Again, Sam' will have some idea of the way I work it.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I've also had some interest in 'A Girl Called Simplicity' from a seemingly keen BRITISH company and I've recently done a re-write for them.

Both pieces of news could go the same way. I suspect that one of them will fizzle out and never call me again.

Still, at least things are going on.

Anyone..

...got any first date tips? Little birds need to know.

This week has the potential to be very interesting indeed. I've got this undeniable feeling and my toes are itchy.

Sing Song Saturday: 'I heart Canada'

'Fireeyed Boy' by Broken Social Scene

(With added Geddy Lee)

From the beautiful, beautiful Simply Scripts.com..

Christopher Bate has up A Girl Called Simplicity. Christopher wrote Death Rides the Nine which was later produced. DRtN did appear on SimplyScripts for a while, though the hosting of the script and the later production were not connected. (Jeez, just google Death Rides the Nine if you want to know about the script and movie.)

Go here, if you have time, and check out 'A Girl Called Simplicity'.

I think you'll like it. I do.

Stephanie dug it and wrote a new review HERE

The Simple Life (With 100% less Hilton)

Since the weekend I've been: indulging myself in old movies (The V.I.P's, Dean Martin's 'Ada'), listening to swish new music, sending off scripts, drinking tea with chums, reading good books ('Shakey' and 'Wilco: Learning How to Die'), watching strange, short films (In an effort to learn to make my own strange, short films), entertaining (Or being entertained) by my niece and nephew and petting my fiesty kitten (Whilst avoiding her EVIL CLAWS!)...This is all helped to fill up notebooks.

Tonight, I'm going to make some t-shirts with H and Lester P. Mason.

Sample slogans include: 'Writers make highly strung lovers'

How are you?

Timewarp/It's not 2001 anymore!

I've just come from a rather so-so evening and, sober as a judge but quaffing lovely tea and toast like a true British gent, I'm feeling in a reflective mood.

Bare with me.

Tonight, it dawned on me how much I'd changed and how important it is that things are left in the past. Going to the indie haunt tonight made me realise that my taste in music has changed, I no longer care about the latest Killers track and that classic Kings Of Leon song doesn't resonate like it used to. The DJ plays the same old thing, as if he pushed play on an indie hits album and pretended he was doing it live.
There is never any of the bands I like because no one has really heard of the groups I dig these days. I feel like I'm in a different musical universe and these people who bob along to the same old Happy Mondays and Oasis tracks every week are missing out.
The place is also filled with the same old faces. Some, like me, have moved on and are just returning to the club for a friends birthday or because they were morbidly nostalgic. Some are locked in 2001.
Perhaps she is the biggest example of all. I see her in the same old clothes, doing the same old dances, with the same girly-girly, 'Lookatmelookatme!', FAKEcentric act. A few years ago when I was seemingly devoid of independent thought, this was all I had. I was too scared and too lazy to really go for anything. I can't blame her for my mindset then because it was entirely my rut. I just didn't realise I was IN a rut until now.
We don't talk because we have nothing to say. Life has pulled us in different directions. I don't know (Or care) what she's been up to and I have no doubt she feels the same. It's funny how someone who was once the very centre of your personal universe is not even on your radar anymore. It made me realise as I saw her, fleetingly, that my world really has evolved. I've met and interacted with a variety of amazing people, one of which is now a very important close friend, I've found confidence in my writing and realised that, win or lose, I love it more than anything and there is no reason to stop, I'm closer to my family because I don't take them for granted and I visit more often, My 'look' has improved and I'm waaaaay more appealing than I used to be (I have something of a scary fanclub at Blast Off), I travel, I--

Well, you get the point (At least I hope you do, this is kind of a rambling post)

I'm very lucky to be who I am; alive and well. Sometimes you have to have a so-so night in a so-so place to take stock of things. It doesn't make it a bad night.

Sing Song Saturday

A Few Things...

..Thanks to Si for the CD. if you haven't heard his music, you should. It's quality and the collection he gave me hasn't left my player. Intrigued? Go here

..Thanks to Stephanie for the DRTN sweatband. She knits like a champ, that girl.

..NO THANKS to the Leeds Film Festival who declined to include 'Death Rides the Nine' in the proceedings. It's the first full-on rejection (Of the non-girl variety) I've had for some time. It doesn't bother me that much as I'm hoping that this particular ride isn't over. Who knows what will happen? I'm still going to write and that's the important thing at the end of the day.

..It's the FREAKEND and I'm not in a field or a tent or surrounded by drugged-up hippies and people in jester hats. I kind of miss it in a way.
Ramshackles tonight. I'm going to take the hair out, throw on the trademark tight jeans and silly t-shirt and impress absolutely nobody. I may take Lester P. Mason if he behaves himself.

I hope you and yours are well.

Happy Freakend.

Tip: Don't trust anyone (male or female) with Burt Reynolds-like moustaches.